stars

when i turned 30 a friend of mine gifted me with a reading not tarot cards or some crystal ball but the story of where the stars were aligned at the moment of my birth in relation to where i was on the earth the day i was born the session was about an hour i went in skeptical after all, what could really be revealed by just knowing where the stars were i was expecting some broad stroke interpretation that could ultimately be applied to any one’s life

i was in tears within 5 minutes she said something about my saturn return i had just very recently lost my grandfather coincidentally my dog too guess my grandpa needed him as company more than me and my ex-boyfriend needed to be tethered to a relationship that no longer existed then she went on to talk about the twelve year orbit of jupiter according to her, i was experiencing a gigantic shift 12 years prior a question of who i am, my integrity, my truth that i was in opposition to great forces that had the potential to break me but that i was finally beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel 12 years prior i was abandoned, disowned, eradicated from my brothers’ lives i lost my parents as i knew them they became shadows of themselves it was 7 long years until we were reunited and we were still, we still are, learning to enjoy that light at the end of the tunnel anyways, she went on to tell me about my personality that i was a full fledged aries in sun, moon, and rising she spoke of leadership, being on the front lines of something huge, something about tapping in to my fire most of it i didn’t grasp, but i was already caught up i was already emotional not knowing the session was coming to an end we had spent so much time clarifying certain details that i can’t remember now about particular planets, energy, loss etc i inquired about my future she got quiet perhaps it was a ploy for me to extend my session or schedule another i can’t recall verbatim, we were running out of time but i do remember her implying that the road ahead during one or another planet’s orbit was going to be rough filled with more hard times i didn’t get the impression happily ever after was near i’m 35 now i have two kids with two different fathers i’m a single mom i still battle with integrity everyday battle with truth constantly duterte is the leader of my motherland brexit happened we are in a war with... people of color the patriarchy the marginalized the privileged and a reality star just became our president i wonder if the stars told her all that i wonder if she saw all this and couldn’t bear tell me after our hour-long bonding tonight i revert to all of it being bullshit tonight it feels like the stars were never meant to align for people like me the pursuit of happiness was never our pursuit to pursue tonight i look up, in an oversized #iamasianamerican t-shirt sandwiched between my kids that i chose to have and pray that, when they were born, the stars were in their favor because america is not