put the load on me

you game for swapping stories of defeat?
blue dames score blessings cutting boundaries
all to save you a seat

i never belonged
not even to me

i was a mistake, so they say
but i say
fuck your pity

i'm gonna take these late night chats
and smear my face in them
wrinkle my shirt a bit, stain dust on my skirt
get my feelings hurt

the torture
gnawing away at this cist
so fucking bloody it always insists
my thoughts all crazy in a studder, my eyelids in a gutter
my calloused head is gonna need a shoulder
while singing tiny dancer
looking for the answers
cause somewhere i lost her
always wearing her brand, 'the other'
she's still looking for her brother

i do

having a hard time wrapping my head around broken hearts
but i suppose that's the point, right?
my head is quite a ways north of my heart
who am i to fight anatomy?
what liberty do i posess to oppose science?
who the fuck cares about all this loud silence?
you letting go is none of my business
but it was in the letting go i find a way to sort out this mess
i suppose my heart will determine my head's unpredictable ways
i guess there's really no reason for why you never stay


but i can't help but wonder
do you smile as i shatteredly dance upon your palm?
do the shards of my broken heart sting your calloused hands?
do you save a thought for me when that song is on?

choose life*this one

i believe in everything i write

only because i believe in everyone i write about



geez... it feels right
i've felt a lot of wrong in my life
like i was wrong
i am wrong

it was a mistake
i was a mistake

but not when i write
not when i'm painting a little bit of you
just a scratch of who you are
peeling off those rusty tough fences you built
surrendering to something sweet
something nice
something you earned
your worth it you know
all that light
all that laughter
all that happiness
its yours already
it really is
and no one can take it
you can't give it away
that's the best part of it
when you've really accepted yourself
all you can do is share

i wish i could draw with these words the feelings and sounds and scenery of this perfect
but i can't
so there
this will have to do
simple
simply

sometimes good things make you cry

morning pictures are always the most beautiful
that first smoke of the day
adding a mood for a new light
new crisp
bite me off another piece of that cookie
wrap me in lemon ginger tea
play those keys so sweetly
and tell me that sad story again
only sad because it made me so happy
so very
break my heart over and over again
in intervals
at that carnival
where we are always young
always safe
always still
time moving so still-ly
it feels so close
talking shit in front of the cotton candy stand
falling in love under artificial stars
you're not too far away this time
not when this song plays

i put my hands over my ear and my fake one, too
trying to keep all of it in my head
in my heart
trying to contain it all in this vessel
i fear i have not the capacity to keep you
but i'll try
i'll try my hardest
keep you now
hold you now in these words always in a minor key
always a string of melancholy tying our souls in an unravaelling knot
i want to be your joy clot
always there reminding you to smile
kiss away those troubled weights
replace them with magnolia blessings
or those things that grow in the middle of the grass
the ones on a stem with light as a feather hairs
you pick them and make a wish and blow
i want to be, not your wish, but the reason why you keep wishing
keep beleiving
i want to be that breath you hold for a moment
anticipating a suprise
maybe a present under the tree
a brand new bicycle!
a ribbon tied with my mama's love
my dad's proud approval
stamp me pretty
and let me be
all special like in a quilt of my history
sit on my feet and let me purr in you
sprinkle smiles on your every try
these trying's of life
i believe in yours
i really do
come sit next to me for awhile
i like that game
believing
in all those ridiculous untouchable dreams
it's only because of you we can attempt the touch in the first place
you are the dream
and i'm just reaching the best i can to get a little closer
understand it a little more
so that maybe the reach
will blossom into a hug

and then we'll take a picture
in the morning
and smoke will dance from my lips
and we'll talk about how many first smokes- of- the- day we've shared
how many wonderful days we've shared

tickled storms

i just sighed, in case you didn't hear it
my trust- tried skin traced your face, i knew it
dig deeper now, sink lower into me
get the picture? drink gets stiffer by the minute
you're looking for a prophet
lo and behold you found me
but i'm just a poet

i am circumstance in full form
don't cram romance in this dull storm
i get angry when i can't give enough
i get antsy when i can't live out love
and i'm searching for that vulnearble brownie
time lurking, sore chats, usual courtesy
i'm hungry
i'm trying to earn something i'm not owed
change jingling in my pocket
little trinkets, hollowed
tilting this full moon as a reason to call
your voice making me crawl
through sugar dough and muffin heads
over a lake when night shreds
it's sullen dark revealing this new
me and you at the bbq
talking with smiles
taking turns at this turnstile
walking late night style
holding hands through our cell phones
our tongue dance, flower me well from another time zone

how'd we find each other
why bother
questions are wasted on us
your actions are weighted on canvas
you've marked your place now
proved your spark, you see my raised brow
don't worry, forever has already begun
i'm sorry, never is retired and done
you're right here
here
in my heart dear

i'm hungry
i'm drowsy
i'm storming
it's morning

cling cling cling
do your thing
i'm just doodling
almond eyes whittle
opened my twinkle
tickle
you
the thought of you

where we dwell

it's morning again and i can almost feel you on my skin
almost
the sun is poking at me and i remember how we squinted that day almost seeing every last bit of each other's soul
almost
alone these words hoping they'll touch you deep someday, make you wonder why you never stayed
almost
this head will rest alongside this morning, away from your body and your beautiful groaning
almost
see, i close my eyes and pray for your sweat to be on mine
i kissed your thoughts, you see, made love to your spine
cause that's your back bone, you know, and i helped support those vertebrae
but you don't remember that part, see, not until it is too late
but almost
you almost did
we were almost a we
no need for the apology
you just keep taking me in dose by dose
but i know we'll always just be an almost
don't take me too seriously
i'm just verbose
a joke
your hope
i'll take my coat now
this verdict i'll allow
i wasn't perfect enough
i was only that almost stuff
it's alright, i'm tough
i know my place
we were just a moment in this 'almost' space

it's morning again and i can almost feel you on my skin
almost
the sun is poking at me and i remember how we squinted that day almost seeing every last bit of each other's soul
almost
alone these words hoping they'll touch you deep someday, make you wonder why you never stayed
almost
this head will rest alongside this morning, away from your body and your beautiful groaning
almost
so close

shorehouse jazz session 4

marlow
lady basco

calloused from life
taking my coffee bite by bite
your words got me choking
on bended knees smoking
can't breathe--
was it you?
or the cigarette?
i don't live in regrets
calloused from strife
skin peeling
i'm reeling
skin unfolding in my nails like
the the ones in my coffin- or-
coughing from the smoke
and the mirrors
is it terror or fear
as the months turn to years
the years turn back to minutes
those mere seconds
ccatching wind and flying for hours
tangled in you
already singing our blues
blue like the cool dawn
that tears the sky- as i try
to tangle you up in my plans and stand up
as i stood up
put one foot up
and you look up
only to close your eyes
nice try----
i'm prying them open
put my thoughts in your oven
they're bakin
youy summer lovin
i've got you ducking
but you can't dodge the shine
you're not allowed to be blind
not on my time
and as the sun rises above us
it loves us
pours over us
adores us
as you blindly stair passed it
it's sunny
like honey, soak it
all in
like sin
like my skin
golden hairs-- shimmering like i'm
whinpering
it's simmering
burning my eyes
making me sigh
you are my high
you are my low
you are the why that makes me glow
so show yourself damn it
i bare it all for us
do your part and take it off
... even the socks
let's throw each other around and make some bad decisions
concentrate on these little incisions
we're carving on each other
making paper cut shapes only to unfold this beautiful accordian
of you and me fleeing
this space
making something out of nothing
stop tucking back those feelings
bring it
fuck it
fuck this poet!
go on and show it
show me what is underneath
not just your pants
not just your shirt
show me the pain
show me your hurt
show me the color that plays in your mind
then show me the way
you fuck from behind
tug on my hips
then pull out, use your lips
we've got a pair of them
so choose wisely
so many places to kiss
take me to bliss
sublimely
tenderly
selfishly
make me talk naughty to my pillow
dirty me clean while i wear stilletos
screaming falsetto
shush me- then hold me
bend me- then fold me
rehearse the words that i told you to tell me
then smell me
my mouth
my neck- my hair
just don't stop once i'm there
pause in me, show me where the wave crashes
hold tight- my gut caves- my inside thrashes
let's fight
wrestle in these sheets
i'll let you think you got me beat
i'll stumble my expressions
just so you get the right impression
i'll ramble my laughs
put my mark on your map
-- got this crazy cramp in my calf
fuck i'm so damp
... the air in here is moist
i think we made the right choice
are we pro choice?
does my pussy have a voice?
or is it just moist?
an invoice?
a notch on your belt?
the hand you've been dealt
an ace in the 'hole'
a jack for your king?
an unspoken thing?
for your face betrays
all the cards that were laid
i will call all your bluffs
i will cash in your chips
i will serve up a cocktail
while you suck on my tits
sing songs to my clit
you're the perfect fit
hit it again
paint my grin
i'm dancing on your taint
watching your minor faints
a cat licking me- like you're cleaning
what first had meaning-
now just moaning
growling and groaning
but just until morning-
when the same golden sun
is now a ball of fire
and now you're a liar
a sharer of sheets
a withdrawl- an incomplete
bearer of deceit
admittor of defeat
a trinket
a treat
no longer mysterious
a specter- i'm furious
it's ruined by desire- brimstone meets fire
and i'm tired
you took my number-
now i'm in no mood for slumber
because sleep will deceive you
to wake up still near you
no time to miss you-
our legs still sticky with decisions we made
as the boundaries fade
and the music we made
pours rain on the parade
the queen trumps the spade
the roll of the dice
the gamble of life
the cashout of lust
we put in together and the dealer's hand bust
we can't take it back
when it was laid it was played
and we paid
how we paid
the dreams of the could have
are shredded in should have
the plans that were inviting
are no longer exciting
that stuff we were fighting
made us us the right thing
now to spite me
it's time to rewrite me
once upon a time...
i spoke of you in rhyme
i dangled my braid down
a turrett you made
of prose so pure- of frelance fervor
brick upon brick- the denial so thick that
makes me cross my legs
lock up this heart
close this shop
collect all the cards
wash these sheets
and forget you in me

a love poem's poem

i want to html you back in my life
copy and paste your ambiguous lines
make them adhere to my house wife fantasy
you and me on the road somewhere, on the nine train
local stops, kissing behind each subway stop
making love with our palms
singing songs with our top down
warm and fuzzies all around, dipping into each other's core
exploding thick lava in the form of a blanket
in the form of your body, in the form of that kiss
i want to keep it
save it
save as a word document, put it in my pictures folder
sink my teeth in your gut for awhile until it surpasses pain
the sting from my incision, the puncture of truth
i want to sink them till it tickles you
want to savor your taste, let it trinkle in my thoughts
marinate in my veins, circle your aura for a bit
let you dance on my clit, welcome your stain
want to be friends with trust, companion to lust
want to make tangible out of dust, bask in shine and fuss about
giggle
i want to giggle at your idiosyncracies
swivel
want to swivel in office chairs, pretend i'm on a swing
i want to fall from the tree and be okay
want to fall into you as if it were the only way
we'll sway on the rooftop while the moon and the sun are having a shift change
want to be your cane when you can no longer walk
your talk when your reflection is exhausted
your soul combusted



i just want to touch you again
that's all



impossible to be in love with a poet
too much, eh
such a price to pay
cause i'm gonna say it, inevitably you blow it
you'll dissapoint these words
you won't match these feelings
don't know why we expect you to
hope, i guess
hope that if we scream loud enough
write true enough
scratch hard enough
you won't act so tough
maybe you'll realize, you are exaclty enough
yet we're the tough ones, right marlow?
silly lady basco
getting all twisted
attaching love with cupid
turgid these fingers, dare to write such foolish intentions
turbid this wish
never in a poet's ribbon
the fortune cookie isn't for us
we wrote them
for other people's love harness
vicious
selfless


okay
that's cool
i write
you read
this is for you
to give to her
i'm just a travelling rhymer
that really pretty shoe
great girl
raddest chick
but it doesn't quite fit
never sticks


you and i archived
put us on an external hard drive

i know
it was special
i know
always always
miss you, too
go, it's cool
go dance on the strands of her hair
handle her with care
hold her face in your hands
i understand, you know i understand
i'll be writing somewhere
when the moon has a shift change with the sun
i'll be writing there
and you'll be with your one