he chose me

i wanted to say something about love
see cause, i heard this guy spit last night
he spit about his heart breaking
and this girl
she spit about how much she loved

something to be said about choosing the one
how willing to reserve minutes and hours
days and years
the continuous pregnant thoughts

do the chosen know
that they are, indeed, chosen
they have been plucked carefully
that they have not been overlooked
they are dressed for in the morning
the blush is blushing for them
these dreamy smiles are for him
when his ears are ringing it is because of me

ring my bell
casting my spell
for the one
for you
i took your supplies
invited you to take a seat
while i pitched your tent in my heart
i wrote the words for you
i made it special
cause i thought
i think
you're worth it
you were chosen

so see, love is not something that just happens
it is a creation
it is a birth
and how that child grows
from being your new toy
marvelling at every move
every sound
every breath
then that awkward phase where their arms are too long
feet too big for their own good
saying inappropriate things
maintenence begins to kick in
they start getting a mind of their own
start talking back
regurgitating history
laced with words you taught, you spoke
the fights for individuality
the fight for freedom
the questioning of who am i
where do i fit in this world

that all passes and the day comes
where we let it all go
let it all be
trust we did enough
know we did all that we could
and live fully in the strength of faith

rest not assured

alone.
cold.

waiting for sleep to arrive.
take me away for a couple.
show me something better than this.

fill my cup with all that i miss.
wake me up and i'll throw a fit.
touch me again and i'm gonna split.
fuck my lip and grasp my hip.
push me away to the very tip.
go ahead go. have a fabulous trip.

dream. dream. dream.
drip. drip. drip.
falling out of reality and into myself.
sip. sip. sip.
then we do it again.
melt. melt.. . m e l t

giving thanks

it's a gift. a gift to have people to be grateful for. a gift of air, food and sleep. a bed. a pillow. a smile. a kiss. a hug.

everyday love. it's true. it's there. everyday.

take it. it's yours.

give it. it belongs to the world that surrounds you.

be grateful.

be humble.

you know the drill. give like you've never lost.

give like you've never lost.

madly loving*arianna

you. again. one last time.

my body rocked. alone it did.
my eyes were locked. no qualms i have.
to stand alone and take you in.
to stand and rock in this skin.
i'm that fool in the crowd.
look at you, i'm kind of proud.
returning and returning for one more round.
reminded and reminded by those thumping sounds.
i am a visitor.
no qualms i have.
to stand alone and take you in.
to stand and rock in this skin.
and your girl, so sweet.
and her hair, so familiar.
just chasing color off my head.
wish i could have been her instead.
but who am i to go crazy about it.
you end yours. i end mine. we end ours.
and beautiful it is.
and beautiful the days.
putting on our oxygen masks.
what a tangled task.
to be young and in love. to be in love.
blessed.
it hurts mikey.
so it goes. the heart beats faster.
i get a little sad when i'm around you.
i get a little sad when i'm not.
but so it goes. here we are again.
feeling awfully empty without you on my skin.
feet cold.
remembering the tales you told.
visitors in each other's night.
all my 'if only' wrapped up in a hug so tight.
and as we departed my body rocked.
off balance you threw me my eyes locked.
on you in my mind but no qualms i've got.
to drive without you and take you in.
to drive away and leave you to do your thing.
and as a lady does i say have a good tour and i smile.
i really hope so is what you say in reply.
i give you a twinkled eye in lieu of my cry.
you let go of our hug as people walk by.
gotta hide.
i climb into my car and accept the defeat.
cause i got this feeling you were just being kind when you said you'd come back to sit on my feet.
when you said you wanted me.
when you said you fell for me.
when you said you wanted to kiss.
when you said you wanted this.
when you said you wanted to drink me.
when you said it was better than being drunk.
when you said don't leave.
when i said i didn't want to interupt you.
when i said i wasn't trying to step all up in your shit.
when you said please step all into my life.
when you said you wanted to cry with me.
but you're not.
or maybe it never really counted because they were all texts.
or maybe it just sounded like the right thing to say.
or maybe i just siked myself out in a major way.
or maybe i just write too much.
give a little more than i should.
or maybe you always knew you could never give that. never that.
or maybe 'maybe' is just a fucked up way to convince myself of possibility.
because maybe you were never really that into me.
i don't know.
that's your line.
that's why i never knew.
i'm just an idiot.
always believing.
always giving my all.
feelings are over rated.
i'm throwing mine away.
all of them.
so i'll take it in and let it out. a toast to our crash. you were good company for this creep.
but i'm not wanted here.
my body rocks a tear.
my heart locks again.
'if only' never to begin.
blessed to take your picture.

a lady travels

take me to brazil with a back pack and adventure stowed away in our pocket
a road trip to anywhere and as a souvenir you on my chest in a locket
on my way to the moon, you and me on the back of a dragon's dream
i don't know when, but at some point i got sewn into your inseam
see cause i'm in your walk now, in the way you order your cup of joe
the way you look out your rear view mirror looking for me in the snow
i'm in that one song that's playing while the sun blankets your sleepy eyes
i'm that something warm when all the world has left you to your own demise
i'm the oxygen that won't fail you long after you've pushed me away
the melody that will always bring you home, right beside me you lay
i'm your newspaper, your body has been imprinted on my body
your story has been documented right here, you're talking to your history
you're standing in the middle of us like a trophy
stupdified in your own speech, agitated by your own fillers, stuttering your feelings cause you never felt this
i've climbed over your fence, stomped around your garden of doubt, through your half-opened window just for your kiss
cause didn't you know? i'll take you as is.
i'm standing outside your door this time
i'm wearing a skirt
a pretty shirt
but you do not hear the bell chime
that's too bad
cause i brought my suitcase of butterflies
thought we could watch them for a while
but i know, i know
you're busy
gotta go
gotta run
maybe you're not home
so i'll take this ribbon from my hair
and tie it around the door knob
just so you know i was here
i heard you
i came
i was right here

sunflowers

give it all and watch it grow
don't be mad because you thought you planted roses
and they grew to be sunflowers
don't lose focus

so it goes
it wasn't meant to be
that it happened at all
even the watching it fall
was the true journey
the true story of you and me

truly perfection
standing still in imperfect
rotate around one last time from this angle
looked good on you
but now i'm unknotting this tangle

figuring it out
rearranging my pout
finding that smile
tucking in that pain
so i can walk this next mile

almond eyes said enter the hurt
out of inspiration loyal stated
enter the heart
but she also said
'stay where you are so she can keep breathing'
and breathing i do
yes breathing it true

confront

my name is arianna aurora dolores basco
my birthday is march 31, 1981
i have four older brothers
derek brandon, darion drake
dante roman, dionysio jose damaso
dion for short
they are not proud to be my brothers
i don't think
i'm coming to terms with that
my mother's name is aida
my father is darius, often referred to as day-o
my ma's maiden name is abasta
i don't know many things
but i got concepts dripping from my fingertips
i wear my heart on my lips
and i'm not ashamed of that
i am a good person
i love dogs
when i get cold i itch
i can't sneeze properly
i call them snoughs
i get bitchy when i'm really hungry
or my feet hurt
or i'm tired
or it's hot
i'm brown
i'm filipino
i see my future in my grandpa's eyes
i hug my grandma like i did when i was four
i say a prayer everytime i see an ambulance
an accident
a police car with their sirens on
i throw things in the trash
i don't like to smoke in front of my nephew
i'm scared to invest in myself
i have one ear
that always sucked
i'm chubby
my face is not symmetrical
my pinky toe nail doesn't grow straight
my jaw clicks
i'm silly at times
i'm angry at times
i like a good laugh
i've been known to hurt people
real bad
i've been known to love people
thoroughly
when i die i hope it inspires people to live a better life
if i had all the money in the world
i would pay off all my family's debt
then i would adopt children
bear my own
raise them with everything i got
i would have a barbeque everyday of the week
open my doors so every soul knew they had a home in my house
and i do mean every soul
i do mean everyday
when i grow old i want to sing songs to my children's children's children
i wish i didn't have to sleep
i wish i was more than just me
i love food
i love that part in the conversation where an epiphany is happening
i love the part where you break down and cry because you have nothing
you are spent
and then the next day where you embrace your blessings
i enjoy a taco from this spot around the corner from my house
i find comfort in a baby crying and my ma humming a tune to them at 6 am
or at 5:30 am her vacuuming
my pops in the back yard practicing his golf swing
me and him talking shit about our pool game
i talk with my whole body sometimes because my voice is not enough
i love with my whole being alot of the times because it's the only way i know
i apologize when i'm wrong
i never say i told you so
i live life for a living
i seek truth for a profession
try to be the best person i can be everyday
i hit my friend's in the face, never in the back
i always forgive
i always remember
i give up too easily on me
i never give up on you
i hate being late
i hate loud motorcycles
i love to travel
i mean i appreciate it
i document it
i like chocolate pudding
ice cream floats
a good steak
when i go to a restaurant i order my meal based on the side dishes
my eyes skim the page for potatoes
i believe time is the greatest gift
try to give mine wisely
it dissapoints me when i see the coward slip out
it dissapoints me when the easy way out is always the way
i believe in feelings
communication
songs
universal truth
butterflies
life
this one

there

in a nut shell. me.

7 november 2004

it was a sunday. a week prior to this day i was returning from a month of brazil with miles. we were home in nyc for a week preparing for our winter in los angeles. that friday i tripped and ate the sidewalk. when i got off the pavement i was missing teeth and my face erupted. you wouldn't have recognized me. what a way to leave a town. somehow i knew then that arianna would not be returning. to new york. not in the capacity in which one resides in a city anyway.

how do you measure a year?

you're starting to sing, aren't you?


wow.


music. it's wonderful. ...it's crazy! fuck!

yes.

h o w d o Y O U m e a s u r e a y e a r ?

please tell. i need a reminder. share.

saying too much

a brother's call
an empty answer
not to get in the middle
and the middle is where you find yourself
you put yourself there

so the fight is in the backseat
swinging at each other
i'm in the front
in the middle
screaming out this song

turn it up
drown it out
all these if only's
now at your door
now put up the sign
you don't live here anymore

just need to take a drive
finding my friend's in an ipod
because these one's before me
they assume the position
but i do not recognize them

enter the hurt
exit arianna
you deleted
and just like that
us never existed

3 hrs 13 mins 48 sec

how long does it take to watch it all crumble
july 1 1999
november 4 2005

came back home with him almost a year ago
november 7 to be exact

somewhere in the midst of our conversation i switched my rings to my other hand
i always said it was just show for the nyc thugs

feels a little naked now

put him to bed with words
the most important ones i hope he heard through his sleep
i love you
i love you
i love you

we agreed to stop pretending
pictures have been deleted

i'm fucking tired

he said someone else gets to meet you
after all this
and still all i want is you

why

gave me some reasons
always does

fighting now
it is worth the save
but not like this

so this is it
the break

it started with the breaking of the eucharist
it ended with a heart

no time wasted
no regrets

we're family

which means there is no sugar-coating
it is the end of a chapter

but we are family

which means to love and support
no matter what

to love someone more than your own desires

he said you always do what you think is right
one of his reasons

he really believes that
i really believe that

the cookie didn't crumble
it was just eaten

just cooking up a new batch
i said we're doing more for each other like this
then pretending there is still something to eat

exhausted

no poetic lines
not this morning

a year of stripping us down
a year of really looking at each other

and arriving at the courage to say good bye to us
shaking hands with the end

roar

put it on the line and feel it break off
fuck my soul and feel it dent
car crashes between my legs
fires burning through my fingers
it's okay
just one
it's okay
just me

fly away, far away
take off and take a piece of me
take the sparkle
it was a gift
take the birth, watch it grow
i'll call it a miscarriage
i'll let it be

putting on these red heels again
filling the cup with tears
who am i kidding
i don't cry
not my style
not my cool

so sing another song
apply it to every girl's lips
good color
good lipstick
got my layers on
wearing new york on my head
got LA on my skirt

i'm swimming in blessings
drowning in you
and you
and you
and you

heart's are over rated
just the bass drum of a day
always another song
always another breath
and i'm gonna make the best of mine

so come harmonize with me
or don't come at all
stay in your hills of poems
i'm gonna keep crawling through these feelings
stepping on clouds
swallowing communication
confronting honesty

scream for love
it's worth it

a wednesday alone

today i stayed at home
watched the light change from my backyard
listened to my life chime through giant's howl
smoked cigarettes like i've done so many times before
i got it down you know
smoking
the sitting, the standing, the taking it out of a fresh box
an almost empty box
the lighting
that first inhale
the smoke framing the company in front of me
but no company today
just me and the light change
i'm sitting in the middle of history
remembering the us
never really know what to say days like these
the only day of its kind
i'm here alone
making jello for my ma
she just got out of surgery
having fried chicken with my pops
before he goes and naps next to ma
i love them

i miss travelling
i miss creating
i miss me
i miss us
i'm already sad
new chapters
old songs
moving around place settings at that dinner table
aching like a motherfucker
ripping existance out of reality
making elbow room for other dreams

things change
impermanence is the only permanent
inconsistancy is consistant
show me otherwise
you can't can you
hurts like hell doesn't it

fuck
who knows man
who knew
but before any of us ever met
it was just me
that day back in '81
what a day
everything was new
everthing was for the first time

i'm fucking ridiculous
sounds like my life is over
this is not the end
this is where i came from

i'm still going on
i don't know with who
i don't know where
don't know how
don't know if i even deserve to
i'm not entitled to any of it
never was
but i'll figure it out right?

that's what everyone says
she'll figure it out
she's good

i am
i'm cool
i got this one

my swagger

you didn't cry that night when my dignity fell to the floor
but you did say 'it makes me feel like crying'
you didn't rage in that moment of a family torn
you said 'it makes me angry, i'm pissed'
and when my life began to wither at the corners
i screamed 'why' 'what the fuck'
and when i think about my voids
liquid memories fall out of my eyes
and when i shook that tail feather
it was like the song was written for the dance
and when that song was sung in that apartment that morning
it was as if the song was hugging my soul
but all you could do was want to leave
you said 'i'm starving, let's eat'
and all i can do is tuck in my feelings
feed them a chill pill and swagger behind