true story

to just commemorate a pact
that is where i find myself tonight
in those quiet moments between two people
who found each other
only to let each other go
i think the text goes:
life is not about finding yourself
life is about creating yourself
george bernard shaw
so in that same vein
we are not here to merely find each other
we are here to create with one another
and tonight over a phone line
voice to voice
ear to ear
we acknowledged the finding of one another
and in that same breath
recognized that we are unable to create with one another in our current standings
i don't want to fix the man who stands besides me
i simply want that man to stand
beside
me
and yes, toes dancing
and yes, scream at the moon with me
and together we will jump off the cliff and create our wings
together we will fly
meanwhile, this is a solo mission
on behalf of all the people who have contributed to the makings of this here wild muscle in the middle of my chest
this heart
it pumps and holds the rhythm of all the minutes passed and the hours to come
and especially today
right now
today i choose life
i trust life
i surrender and put this soul in it's custody
on the faith that it has my back
the paths will reveal themselves
and i will show up and with this seasoned spirit
these brave shoulders and unflinching conviction
i will receive one step at a time
i will gracefully march in to the unknown
gallantly embrace the spontaneity of this prolific and abundant journey
it is the only way i know how to live
it is reaffirmed with every memory of heather
and my grandfathers
from giant in a brooklyn apartment
to this one girl who was born without an ear
it is the shine reflected because i am surrounded by candles
it's my eyes open and my eyelashes pumping towards a backbone anchored to light
it's the pledge of emerson's pure laughter
it is in the knowing that this is not an ending
nor a beginning
that i always was and always will be
creation
change
shift
in perception
i am revelation
in every discovery of a new sun on a new day
i gotta believe that somehow i took part in electing those blue jeans for that epic sky
my suggestion mattered
this is all worthwhile
because
i. am. inevitable.
i am.
I AM ARIANNA AURORA DOLORES BASCO

in the air somewhere on top of the world

to exist
amongst the clouds
to live
with the wild hearted
beside those spirits who dare to dream
who possess in them the courage to love another person
so unconditionally, so thoroughly, it cracks the dawn
pushes the sun off that cliff of the world just so it can tell the sky, 'hey, i really love them blue jeans you picked today'
rub elbows with the brave souls
the one's whose watering holes are found within the walls of their own skin
filling their cups with heavy fucked up days, what have i done days, shit i gotta heal days, shit i'm not sure how i'm gonna do that days...
i be amongst the hearts that are tenacious enough, open enough, wise enough
to understand the only way to really get over, is through
shuffle me in with the bones and bodies that believe in truth
seek a greater meaning than just this world of airplanes and technology
tvs on the back of chairs, packed in like sardines
if this plane goes down, i wanna be next to the guy who wins every time
because i win every time
it's a true story
i be amongst hearts that don't shrink when they've lost everything
everything
i'm amongst that good stuff that just keeps creating
even when all we got is bread crumbs and a dilapidated oven
i'm amongst those poetic hopes
the one's that know better days are on their way
and me and all these poems, these faces, these lives, suns, moons, and skies
we be rich
immeasurable by this silly planet's need to quantify value
that's coming too...
it's almost here you wild hearts
hang on
hang on sloopy

the union of i and i

drawn to press down on these keys
i sit between yellow walls with green trimming
mulling what to write on top of unfinished hardwood floors
i sit at the head of an empty table
i be amongst air that witnessed me grow
even that bread box holds a piece of me

i don't want to hurt

what does 'i've been through a lot' look like...
looks like easter egg painting as the rhinebeck sun creeps in through these windows
or tables with my brothers speaking words only spoken in dreams
a prayer in a san francisco chapel for my brothers on dion's birthday
christmas mornings in a house upstate with a family not mine
looks like bandages over my ear resulting in me looking like a mushroom head
looks like aisle's of pictures sorted by alphabet while an old man gets his fix from this 7 year old body
looks like lying beside your lover in walls of crimson and knowing its not forever
or seeing sadness in your parents eyes because you are just one child and not 5
it looks like the neighborhood kids coming out after me after class
or that kiss in my front seat you stole because it was the only chance we had and then you having a child
it looks like standing in the middle of the circus and denouncing the emperor's new clothes and being thrown out
it looks like bathing in philippine oceans with the abasta woman as the sun is brought down to its knees paying respect to my fallen grandfather
it looks like giant
it looks like groggy days without sleep but working a triple anyway because someone's gotta pay the bills
or one valentine's day when he found out about my ear and broke up with me
it looks like a bright vibrant flower amidst a snow fallen england
it looks like turned leaves beside twin ponds on acres that cradled me when i so needed to be cradled
it looks like towers crumbling down and there's no escape
it looks like perpetual tears down and up freeways from here to sweden
that song on repeat and sorrow and the weight of the world clinging to my backbone
looks like making the best cake you can with breadcrumbs as the sole ingredient
a mountain in japan that felt never ending
violation on a brazilian street, marking me a foreigner
a lake in canada that almost swallowed me
fresno lonely days and drives cross country to destinations unknown
like my sister's head in a purse of tears
my mother's heart in a casino of numbness
my father's pride on an empty golf coarse
its looks like being told you are not enough, you'll never be enough
and making sense out of it anyway
it looks like having to be the better person
even when it aches

i don't want to hurt

bouquet, marry me
choose me

tomorrow when i wake up
my thought will be on me
it will not be interrupted by pain
i've had my fair share
i'm ready for change
marry. me. bouquet.

wedding

thank you sarah and chris for inviting me to join you on this very important day. and if that wasn't enough, ask me to participate in it and share a few words. for me, words are the gateway to connection. the act of opening your mouth and communicating with another person and sharing the most intimate of secrets or the simplest of stories is a reveal into one's core. my word is my sword.

i just recently met a homeless veteran. a poet in downtown la. tonight, from a porch in upstate new york, i posted his message on to the internet. just goes to show, we really never know how far our words may go. how, in fact, words are a vehicle that bears the ability to change our lives.

human connection. this i believe is the true currency in this bankrupt world. it is of no wonder to me how we all came to congregate here today. this is not serendipitous. nor a happy coincidence. our meeting is the sum total of these two magnificent beings choice to choose each other everyday. because of their leap into faith with their words, past words and the words to be exchanged in just a few moments, we are the fortunate ones who get to observe their union. for some it brings us memories of this magical town, others it reaffirms what it means to make such a solid commitment, and still for others gives them something to look forward to. we may, amongst us, have a proud parent or two as well. and even the children, our gathering just might be planting the most remarkable hopes for them to hold on to and work towards.

so it cannot go on without being said that if it were not for miles i would not be here today to witness his beautiful friend, who quickly became mine, give all of herself to this wonderful man. and if it had not been for that job sarah was hired for and chris's father's suggestion over a gregarious conversation, sarah and chris would seize to exist in the capacity in which we celebrate them as today. we interact and see so many people in our lives and we often pass up the opportunity to really connect with them. so when a hello is extended to you, a how are you doing, a how do you feel, an undemanding what's been going on- i hope that it is never taken lightly. you never know who you're going to meet. you never know how your world may change.

so it is with great honor and gratitude i contribute these words on this beautiful thursday september 23rd 2010. the only day of its kind.

such an eloquent disaster occurs when the heart gets captured
taught new rhythms never heard
so virginal to jump into love
no matter how many times you've jumped
tucking into naive
really paying attention
learning

cause the temperment is different this time
the dance and the song
the movement and passion
in bed and otherwise
different



have you decided yet?
will this be the face to wake up to and fall in love with every morning
the bones and skin to grow older with and to do your parts in changing the world
will that little lady always be proud of her guy, that young man always watching out for his girl
are these the palms to bow to when the light is dying?
to thank for all the memories
the blessings
the lessons
is this your family?



will you fight to laugh when there are no smiles to be had
will you scream to cry when emotions are numbed
will you know how to cheer her up when her heart goes sad
will you know how to support his back when his pride's been shunned



pay attention
the answers are already there
don't need to be told how
not anymore
just listen for it
right
now

not all the leaves, but a lot of them

inhale.


feel like i missed out on a dozen poems while i've been away from my puter
let's see...


this weekend up until this very moment...
couldn't recreate that forever face i found on the stoop saturday morning
the conversations we had, so moving- it made the sun come out
opened the door to the heart
or when the evening fell upon us and i felt like i took a trip with my nephew to the philippines
or even deeper in the evening, bar talk with that loyal girl, her love a constant reminder of true laughter
and crawling even further into the hours chasing the moon
the margician and i catch up on what it is to have human connection
poetry sessions with audge
celebrating curly's birthday
5am was a good time for sleep to knock on my door

then sunday arrived and i woke to classical music
my parent's and i cleaned house for that little lady's 4th
the circus in full effect
it was like a mini woodstock in the backyard
a rainbow of color, pinatas, hawaiian dance, dance-off
and amongst the children was that forever face again
then poker brought me 2nd
and the little lady's 'rents took first
they needed that one
talks with the blonde in her new convertible post party
which lead to us sharing a bed, sharing some life
and her cat and her two dogs sharing my pillow

and in the morning we did coffee and breakfast sandwiches
she went off to shoot a short and i went off to the courthouse to stand in line
then to that redhead funny girl's spot, close a window, keep the love
on to downey for the clean up crew
clean my car crew
packing crew
practice crew with the nephew
and then bam- downtown
lost soul's cafe
the rush lady still beautiful, makin' it happen
and my creators decided to see me rather than go to poker
and so did that forever face
and scout girl and aragon came with company
such beautiful people
and my soul i spilled a little bit on stage
and my heart i sent out a little bit out there
and this spirit it did, dance a bit in here
and the veteran poet we met outside
and the booth at that dive we squeezed inside

then this morning i woke up to a message from pops
said he didn't realize that he wasn't gonna see me for a couple weeks
said he would have hugged me longer
said he missed me already
and the kids, we kissed
and the plumsicle, we drove
to the airport where i met sweet trust
and it all felt so familiar
but so changed
airplane chats, taxi chats, central park chats, sushi chats with mr. crawford, dog chats with his woman, connely talks with mr. yale, witty talks with the cowboy
in this apartment again
five years later
went out for a smoke and called my sister
did it because it had never been done before
we weren't friends back then when i roamed this corner
amazing how much shifts
and my trip has just begun

i really did try to say hello to all those fall leaves for that forever face

this ain't much of a poem, i know
just felt the need to scratch down the sketch of it
because i really do feel like i've missed out on about a dozen or so poems these last few days


guess what i'm saying is
life is good


exhale.

a prayer

it's all getting pretty heavy tonight...
how does this work?

my life
my life is rich and full of blessings
lessons
the true shit
the love shit
i think about who i am
and all the people who fill my day
and all i can do is smile
i'm the luckiest girl in the world
in my prime of true currency-
and not because this is the height of it-
no
because this is the most open i've ever been to it
and i'm so grateful to have seen the light

guess what the rub is now... is just... well
financially
i'm over it
i want a home
and i know, i know
my home is every where i lay my head
every where my heart walks
inside you and right here inside me
and i love it, truly do
but i'm ready for a roof over my head
walls i get to decorate
a kitchen i get to cook in
sheets that smell like me
my poetry books on my shelf
slumber under a canopy
i want a place for my kids to grow up
to make love and wake up the house with song
put the house to bed with kisses
i want to build

and what a perfect time to do just that
been building for 29 years
must admit, can't complain
it's a beautiful world
it's all in the works, i know
just have to have faith

sitting on the stoop with my sister
remembering this stage in life
'this too shall pass'
we laughed about if you put all our family's combined income together
we'd probably be at poverty level
and we laughed and laughed
we laughed about the day when we look back at today
when we struggled
because someday we will all be on top of the world
it has to be this way
it's our legacy
our destiny

yeah, life is what we make it, for sure
absolutely
and we sure have made quite the lives for ourselves

it'll all pay off
times are rough
but it will all
pay
off


the question came up
would we trade in all this circus for all the money in the world
the answer followed abruptly
absolutely not


universe, bless this family

amen

eye of an almond

between i and i? the how to the i?
i be heavy hearted at times
breathing absence bullets as the wind chimes
a hard headed woman's cry
i be faithing in crimsons and clovers
over and over
daydreaming on the waves of a high tide
holding you close, cause i'm lost without your rhythm
tongue so verbose, perfect company for this album
on random on the daily
keeps me from going crazy
each track whispers sweet nothings
filling my being with meek blessings
got belief in my back pocket
and true currency in the front
got woman and dreams on top of mulholland
saved a little pretty in the eye of an almond
i whip it out when i smile
when i hold hands with the moon and i howl
and in the morning, when that sun comes up,
hope-filled at the chance
sky slipping on her blue jeans, just for one glance
that's when, with that busted pipe, i fill this cup
because who knows, maybe someday it will be a pond
maybe someday, it will be written for us, you know, that song
although it's already been decided
inevitable at best
yes
we know who they were written for
a red bull and rain downpour
from day to day?
i rock my soul as my forte
the tomorrows to come
and the yesterdays that carry me
and all the lessons that set me free
and i know, like i know my own name
it's all on it's way
every
single
day



and for that. all the pain. the sorrow. the fuck. the oh shit. what have i done. the bulldozer hit.

makes it all worth it.

the surprise.
to see yourself in someone else's eyes.

morning wood

did you get what you wanted

almond eyes pointing towards you
words in an inbox, text box, journal box
you running a marathon in my thoughts
late night phone conversations fighting for truth

did you get what you wanted

that one morning before seven a.m.
they say a woman has sex to show a man how she loves
a man shows love to get a woman to have sex ...as we slipped on the gloves
should have known better, all these false gems

did you get what you wanted

talks about futures and red trains
detagging yourself out of my august
hoping to be left off the hook just cause you're honest
calling us 'red bull and rain'

did you get what you wanted

when you wrote manifestos about nest eggs, your heart on your lips
was it worth being in my hips?
tuesday mornings with words before the storms of your past
then you called me, made me feel like i had trespassed

did you get what you wanted

forest lawn between the dead, reflecting light on relationships
we turned a page together on the top of mulholland
you kept saying i was the needle, clovered and crimsoned
will you still love me tomorrow played and we wrote and we kissed

did you get what you wanted

we became a 'we' just long enough to test out your semen
you said it wasn't in you to deny the right human connection
but after a couple fun nights in bed tangled in your sheets
didn't seem too hard to ask me to leave

did you get what you wanted

when you said you felt rich
when you said 'yes'
and then regressed
and then this 'inevitable' you ditched

did you get what you wanted

when you replaced 'what would it be like to touch her' with 'i don't even remember life without it'
'i don't want you to ever feel insecure about where my feelings are coming from' ...guilt
so instead of a leap of faith it became 'this is all meant to be so that i can make a better quilt'
...beginning to feel like you just wanted to get laid, i must admit

cause it all couldn't have been for the bunny
or the soundtrack
the co-written poems
champagne mornings
picking out utensils
snap bracelets
the philadelphia story
sunlit faces on couches
blue lit balconies
poker and family

did you get what you wanted

did it feel good
like the beginning of the world?
a moment's pleasure with that one girl
someone to dance upon the morning wood

did you get what you wanted

a bottle of wine on a saturday evening
from your 12 days of summer ending

blued

sat in an office chair for about 37 minutes
pondering life

so i went to an art show on friday
hanging with some old school
ended up crashing in a bed that wasn't yours
wasn't the least bit familiar
saturday i went to the magic spot
wrote down some words
went to my group graduation that night
enlightening
funny- when we were reviewing the steps
i decided to to write each lesson on one page, no matter how much space was left on the page
the whole thing was pretty emotional
got to the last lesson
turned the page and there was a ticket stub waiting for me
the last lesson: letting go
said something about
letting go of what you want will guarantee you will get what you want
... something like that
it was also september 11th
and today was the 12th
4 year anniversary of my family reuniting
amazing weekend

only thing missing was you

from your perspective
i completely understand
i get it
from mine--
i wanna call wrong train
how does it all happen
and then stop so abruptly
but my gut says hold off
hold off
another day
one more day

office chair swivel
doesn't cure the blues

gravity help me

when i sit down to write, i'm never quite sure what it will be
when i try to plan it, that's when my fingers go numb
they lose their destination
and the keys beneath them might as well be some third world symbols laid down before me to make a joke out of me
hence why i always title my pieces after they are complete

currently
currently- i'm not sure what comes next
leaves some room for surprise
i know i'm supposed to be writing a screenplay
a love poem for a friend's wedding
but currently i sit here listening to a playlist 'number one'
and realize i am in a screenplay
i am a poem

love

i looked up the definition
didn't work for me
seemed lackluster
inadequate

the word itself
the shape of it
the letters that build it
so undeserving of all that it stands for

i was sitting with a percussionist/ artist/ awesome chick the other day
she said something pretty profound
said something to the effect
'i don't hate you,
to hate you would require i love you'

indifference

that's the pain
there it is
that's the hurt
that's the knife
and the shape of that word
with each letter its like a turning of the knife making the wound that much larger
the void that much more hollow

i can't compete with your history
i shouldn't have to
i've got mine and you've got yours
indifference

indifference |inˈdif(ə)rəns|
noun
lack of interest, concern, or sympathy

then you meet someone who sparks you
suddenly, indifference becomes difference
and without you even knowing you've been changed
and it was oh so meant to be
for me, to truly WANT to give myself to someone, completely
for you, part of your break up process

and for that
i hate you

track 5

it is now
it is here
you are with me right now painting smiles on my face
i listen to our songs
songs that i've kept close to my heart for so long
never knowing where they were really going
the destination has revealed itself

it is you
just you

and in some crazy backwards way
its ok
really ok that you are not here with me anymore
it's ok that we didn't finish listening to it all
it's ok

because i am here
listening to it now
listening to every note
knowing it was written for us
written for that moment that one beautiful day
one of the best days of my life
truly

and i live it right now

lean lean lean

here it goes
letting go
letting go
letting go go go

music does a number on me
shit
the tears
the tears of days lived
of tears of days ended

no worries
no drama

so heavy heavy the intangible heart
so awfully hollow the immeasurable part
a crimson glimpse of forever
nursing broken limbs from 12 days of summer

leaning into the pain
choosing life
choosing love
leaning right on through to the other side
trusting that life has my back
this is all going to work out
it's inevitable

everybody hurts
everybody heals
everybody joy

that's the drill
that's the drill

so it's my turn


enter the hurt

shortest long summer

there are things that no one may ever be let in on
not fully
the full experience is if you were there
actually there
touching
looking
seeing
like really seeing
listening

i savor
i embrace
i remember and let it live in me
now
in this pain
in this joy

my 12 days of summer