played out

for a moment
i felt like
the prettiest in the world
leaving lovely nothings on his eyelashes
strapping my body
around his
close and accesible
beautiful and perfect
like that perfect guitar
when it fit just right
and everything sounded brilliant
every strum
every chord
in its place
in our bed
so sweet
you sleep
i weep
your eyelashes
they don't recognize me anymore
that was just a pretty moment
a lovely memory stored
my tragic reverie
that tired melody

eat me

i'm counting on the chub from my fingers
the extra weight around my waist to weigh me down
take this fat head and thick eyelids
give this dimpled skin some sleep
when does cellulite rest when it is so hungry for affection

maybe that oversized sweater
or that baby girl dress
or some sweats
and an "i'm just chilling" outfit day will fix it
hide all the insecurities lurking behind fatty tissue
perhaps another potato chip will crunch away the pain
finally make me feel like i belong

something pretty
something fit
like all those celebrities in those trashy magazines
like all those silver screen starlets i'll never be

please stop.

hurting my feelings.

nothing's gonna change my world

i'm not going to forget my blessings
no not this time around
i'm gonna remember who i am
the faces who made me
the hearts that broke me
i'm gonna recall the arms that held me when i couldn't walk
the voices that kept me company when i couldn't talk
no i'm not going to forget my blessings
not this time around

you're too late

"in forgetting to love myself is how i grew to love you"





i want to stop rewinding and playing it again




surprise me
give me a reason to give a fuck

fill your cup

they say things like this get easier
you know, each time you do something?
you know how people say that?


well shit
everytime i get on stage
it still feels like the first time
struggling for a place to just be me
do my thing

or when i sing
i doubt i'll do well
getting stuck in the swell of my throat

everytime i say i love you
i float
on the chance that you might not love me back
all the odds stacked





and when the goodbye is cued up
that's when i drop my cup
only to have to fill it again
with the same sin

don't think, see

i recognize a pattern when it's coming full speed right into my heart
i remember the part when we touch for the last time for a long time
shutting my eyes to light feeling this over and over again
remembering your body on my skin and refocusing
cursing my damn choices
shutting out all the noises
those sweet whispers of forever
that flicker of never
interupting
interupting
always a beginning
always an ending


should have not
got caught
in love
with another visitor
my fault
my bad
i just thought

fairytales are for fairies

i read somewhere:
don't forget about the man who got everything he ever wanted... he lived happily ever after.




funny how lonely that feels.
or maybe it's because i'm a woman.