twisted you

i wanted to say something quickly
i'm not buying
i won't take it
this is the truth
this is all of me
stop making it something it isn't
i cared about you
it was you
there was no alterior motive
there was none
you made it up
and you lost

filling in the blanks

how strong of you to block it all out
shut me all down
employ silence in place of your mouth
lucky me to wear this crown

you dressed me pretty oneday
all special sweet
you left with tears that day
and now today forgot me

don't respond
you never know how
just wanted to sit for awhile
but you're not in the now
i'm not in your now

whipping absent you with these words
silly stupid lady
punish us good for starting what is only a 'would'
only if...
silly stupid lady

don't respond
you never know how
just wanted see your smile
but you're not in the now
i'm not in your now

silly stupid hope
silly stupid wish
silly stupid
stupid silly

i'm sorry, i lost my point
why do i try
my foolish head full of 'don'ts'
walk this invisible line

don't respond
you never know how
just wanted to sit for awhile
but you're not in the now
i'm not in your now

find your place in history

there are so many names
so many wrongs, so many articles
believe this report, this war game
well, i'm not buying it, i'm not that gullible

i'm the daughter of filipino immigrants
it was because of world war II
grandpa b could come to this great land
see he did his part on bataan day
i guess, thank you FDR for pearl harbor
my family has found a home in your america
now i suppose i say fuck you as i scream attica attica!

cause it appears we go from one jail to another in this world
so bring on the opportunity, show us the ropes
the bushs show us the way to wag the dog
the cheneys show us hypocrisy
tying us up and putting a big red bow on their conspiracy
as if it was a gift
thank you for blowing up the world trade center
so that we could go to war
blame it on those iraqi's, blame it on those weapons of mass destruction
hide your corruption by muting the truth, amplifying the pictures
osama osama osama
osama madness i call it
war on terror madness i call it
good war
this is one you've insured will never end

thank you
and while i'm thanking you i'm filling my car up with gas
filling your pockets with more cash
as if you needed it
but meanwhile i hang my flag
showing my american pride
as you rob me blindly
taking away my rights in stride

cause you're really not trying to answer all these unaswereds, are you?
you could really care less if the drugs on the streets are killing our youth?
if the air was safe to breathe that one gloriously glorified day of 9/11?
you have no conscience when it comes to the individual human life?
we're all casualties of war dying by your knife, the one you created and have us beleiving it was-- quick think! osama! saddam! john walker lindh! the palestinians! weapons of mass destruction! oh fuck it throw it all at them and pray for confusion! then air that simpson/ lohan fight that'll keep em occupied. feed em more illusions!


we are fucked in our ignorance
the politicians are crying, innocent
the truth is living somewhere in silence
and i'm just looking for that instance when we stand
and roar
we do not accept your embelished lies
we do not allow you to use us for your econmical gain
we are not blind to your crimes
and you george w bush
and you richard cheney
and you donald rumsfeld
and you stephen johnson
and you paul wolfowitz
and you condoleeza rice
need not only to be thrown out of office, but incarcerated for a very long time

who are your parents?
shame on them when they taught you that it was okay to murder
shame on you for bringing children in this world that have to live with your name
your documented legacy of lies

the truth will prevail
it will be documented
simply
clearly
accessibly

starting here



reopen911.org
http://www.reopen911.org/books_dvds.htm
fast food nation
farenheit 9/11


maybe i'm annoying
but i get angry when someone messes with my ma's house
when someone comes into my house and disrespects me
i don't like liars
and being that i was born into this world
i have a responsibility to protect it

it's as simple as wearing a condom
not drinking and driving
but we do it all the time, don't we?
change
do it
overcome and educate

saying it cause it needs to be said

that inbetween color, mainstream by street
but not by the tv
but it's my responsibilty to show 'em
this is my "brown" poem

this is my, why oh "why oh why was i born with one ear" piece
the 31st of march, back in '81 blessed my parents with a girl
but when out she came she was missing a limb
maybe not a limb, but half of her would always live in silence
half of her would always be deformed

this is my "last after four boys complex" spit
it's not a spoiled charmed journey as you would think
it's like...
at easter this year my aunt said "let's take a picture of all the guy cousins"
and in my mind and out my mouth came "yes, guy cousins SLASH picture without arianna"

laughs
funny
funny life
life got jokes

this is my "gotta dye my hair another color" poem
change my life color
cigarette answer my questions
words show me the way

this is my "protect my freedom of speech" poem
cause for all my bitching, i am grateful that i can speak
but i fear that it is threatened now
i fear i am surrounded
incaved in a conspiracy

what if the buildings didn't fall from the plane crash
it seems it's true
the bombs detonating floor to floor
all for a made war
wagging the dog

i'm upset and frustrated, see
because i can't be clever and say all that is in my head
but i'm gonna keep typing see
because i'm hoping that something of importance will come out

i'm worried about my future see
where i'll be
if these words will ever reach all that may need to hear them
share them
write their own
inspire see
affect another see
that's what i'm trying to do

but now i'm worried if i'll ever get there see
because it seems that we are being threatened
silently for now
controlled by media
and all these pop stars/ rap stars and all their diet fads
designer clothes
are all distractions
the administration is applauding our stupidity
keep 'em dumb they think
keep 'em entertained
as they are undermindedly killing our friends
murdering our families
they're putting drugs on the streets
raising gas prices and still selling us suvs
they're feeding us shit for meat through a drive-thru line
picking fights with countries for their oil that we keep buying

they got us good
we're like trapped in this very intricate plan

and what are we supposed to do?
stop driving?
stop eating?

i'm concerned about the world we live in
i'm afraid that if we don't start looking at these things for real
like they are important, not some sort of activism that we do as a hobby but we got bigger fish to fry in our own lives,
we will be paying a very high price for it
these "bigger fish" will not only be not important, they will seize to exist

you think we're a far cry from the holocaust?
when you were killed by your beliefs?
the way you choose to live your life?
you think that pretty make-up and big sound system in your car is gonna save you?

and then we're told to educate ourselvees, right?
but our resources are so limited
at least the ones that are within reach
i'm talking about the news
the convenient way
turn on the tv and check the weather
meanwhile catch a couple of minutes of bullshit to tie you over
and throw in a couple of commercials so you can buy more shit you don't need

hey, i'm far from perfect
this is the world as we know it
we adapt and live in the conditions in which we are given
i'm just asking for you to be aware of our surroundings
the greater picture
and then trinkle it down to your life

cause i know people are out ther going "well i gotta take care of my shit, can't be concerned with what bush is doing. what has he done for me lately anyway?"
nothing
for you?
nothing
but because of you
he can keep raising gas prices
keep taking your social security
raise your taxes
take away your benefits

we make fun of bush all the time
like he's a dumb ass
but we're really the dumbasses, did you know that?
because they don't care
as long as they can keep rigging the votes
going to war
control the media
make money
they could give a fuck less what we think

fucking rambling


there will come a time when i will be punished for rambling on like this
i already have, in other areas of my life
and man, it wasn't pretty
i'm still going through it right now
but i don't regret all the things i said
all the things i did
because i have the right to an opinion
and i'm just trying to protect that right

reopen911.org

educate yourself.


if you care about our homes. our country. our world. educate yourself.

if you care about the land your children's children will be living in. educate yourself.


if you have friends in the military. educate yourself.

if you want to live in a world where speech is free. educate yourself.


there exist propaganda. farenheit 911 for example. there exist fictional based movies such as v for vendetta. there exists just plain fiction such as The 9/11 Commission Report: Final Report of the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States.

read it all. watch it all. you decide.

educate yourself.

bunnies lay eggs

Easter Sunday
Oh holy day
Keep close rising for another day
An arm length to pain immeasurable by just this one day
This holy day when you rise again

And were we to decorate our eggs with pictures of yesterday
Before yesterday actually
That time before
When things were pure
Just a dance

Too much pain fill these dancing shoes now
Too much holy
Holy water shower me
Wash away these weights of anger
I wish justice was a snap
A quick snap
But if it was, then it would stand undesirable

Someday
This holy day
Just another day
Just another phoenix risen
Fly fly away beautiful bird from ash
Beautiful bird from ugly

Blown from one holy day to the next
I collect
Scattered along freeways and thruways from here to Brazil
I collect
Torn on moist pillows in Brooklyn
In Baguio City
I collect
Restraining orders to Mount Fuji
Rollerblade falls, Williamsburg trips
Rhinebeck hills, drowning in Canada
Mugged in Bahia, recreating Brooklyn in Long Beach
A horse rolls, buildings fall
Morphine replaces blood transfusions
Death replaces morphine
I collect
He touched me wrong like
She broke down me like
He dictated my future like
They stole my childhood like
He made me wrong like
I collect

And rise again on holy days
My every day



Yes.
Lets paint these eggs all the colors of every single day
Yeah.. Ive been there for every single one

i heart my job

"can i ask you a question"
"sure" i reply
"how come every motherfucka in this spot has regular cups and we got styrofoam ones?"
"for real" says one of the girls at the table

clearly, because i am racist

"ah.. seriously? (quick pause for thought, hoping it is them thinking about what they just asked me) because we ran out of cups."
"naw that's some bullshit" he hollers back "those fools came in after us and they got cups"

"ah.. seriously? (quick pause for thought, hoping it is them thinking about what they just asked me) we restocked the cups with clean ones"

come on people. stop. stop playing the race card. and then, worse, using it as an excuse not to tip. when you know damn well, you probably weren't going to leave anything anyway. you were just looking for a reason.

so on you go, ordering your food like this ain't a graveyard shift in the middle of rush. go ahead and make your very particular order, send it back, ask for something else, say it's cold, hot, too greasy, too spicy, no flavor--- it's a diner people. not a five star resturant. we're open 24 hrs, particularly on a saturday or friday night to soak your alcohol up with greasy comfort. not to warm your damn maple syrup. special order you some homefries just so you can stick your nose up and send them back. order a salad with chicken with the chicken on a separate plate. order the egg meal deal with the eggs on a separate plate. not so you can bitch about styrofoam cups.

stereotypes. i know all about them. i fight them everyday. you know how? by not acting like them. you make them true. YOU make them true.

stop pulling the race card. it wouldn't be there if you stopped using it.

and this is coming from that "chinese/mexican/cambodian/thai/filipino-oh-i-have-a-filipino-friend-do-you-know-them?-will-you-marry-me-como-esta-i-don't-speak-spanish-yo-ma-can-i-get-your-digits" waitress.

yeah. stop that bullshit. and especially, don't fuck with people who are serving your food. and especially especially pull that color thing on the SAME DAMN COLOR. fucking idiots.

excuse me

is this seat taken?

calling all passengers


new song.
had to leave the ribbon, for now.



so i think this is how it's gonna be. a revolving jukebox in the hollow suitcase. it's all a work in progress anyway. everything will be rerecorded with live instruments eventually. kinda like... an actual.. dare i say it.. band.



so check it out, check it in.
check yo' self befo' you wreck yo' self!

calling all passengers

hollow 'h-(")lO
1. A cavity, gap, or space: a hollow behind a wall.
2. An indented or concave surface or area.
3. A void; an emptiness: a hollow in one's life.
4. A small valley between mountains.

suitcase 'st-"kAs
(a type of luggage - that is, something one lugs, or pulls along heavily) is a narrow box-shaped bag, usually made of cloth or vinyl that has a handle at one end and is used mainly for transporting clothes and other possessions during trips. Some suitcases have built-in wheels enabling the bag to be pulled along by a fixed or extendable handle or by a retractable or stowable leash.


from place to face
country to laundry
world to word
all aboard
always with her
is her bag
inside her most prized
most delicate possession
she humble-ties it with bless
dressing up naked emptiness
you foolishly mistake it for clothes
but those who know her well know
in her suitcase lay all her hollow

from place to face
country to laundry
world to word
all aboard

label it strength
insult it with pity
fancy it up, call it courage!
it is history in the making
herstory rattling
an imperfect laugh
a borrowed smile
a second-hand weep
a very lonely child

from place to face
country to laundry
world to word
all aboard

it is time.
gathered are these dull jewels
these sharp tools
the finest gems of void
that rarity that is never sought out
that cursed curse that brought doubt
and although tried and unfortunate
it is by this void she knows joy

she humbly ties it with bless
naked empty, she'll dress
yes, new land she'll always embrace
but always by hand, her hollow suitcase

just another cigarette

just needed you to know i'm forgetting about you. as you wish. everyday. every song. in every text never sent. every unamazing kiss at a time.

i don't remember you at all. not halloween. not san diego. not a couch. no new york. no coffee shop in the valley when someone said they fell in love with someone and someone said it back. someone said the feelings won't change. and then feelings changed. no, i don't remember at all.

i don't remember red bull and rain. a blizzard and a walk. a hug.

i don't remember your face. your face between my legs. look up at me and smile. your face so close to mine.

i don't remember saying goodbye that day. the pain. the hurt. i don't remember pulling over cause something big happened. no i don't remember at all.

a text in a bathroom, you in the other room. fuck. and i drive away. nope. don't remember.

i don't remember you dressed up like a lost boy, ridiculous and beautiful. i don't remember anxiety hitting when the day begins and driving to la. i don't remember sunglasses.

don't remember a crowded street, out with the drags, you in the mist. only you in the mist of a parade of life. and we kiss. and all is there for you and me and it is the most perfect connection. nope. never saw it.

i don't remember you on my couch i brought from ny. another life. i don't remember singing creep. don't remember you calling and playing me you were always on my mind. because you are never on my mind. never.

i don't remember a great many things. not at all. never.

i never think about you. never ever. never wonder how you are. what you're doing. what you're up to. never wonder who you're fucking. who you're wasting your kisses on. if they're wasted at all. if you're making love in an rv. making love to vertigo. never worry if you're head thought has given you a break. never wonder if you ever got your piece of cake. if you've slept. if you're smiling. if you're happy. if you're celebrating. if it's all for the best this way. nope. never ever.

never wonder if i'll see us again. never ask why we met at all. don't care that i am just another person you had to meet along the way. don't pay any attention to my inadequacy to be enough for you. don't remember letting go. don't remember holding on. nope. never happened.


don't remember why you stopped. don't remember why you started. don't remember why i went. no reason at all i suppose.

just needed you to know i've forgotten about you. every day. every song. every cigarette. this one.

turn it up

Lets turn it up
Break it down
Stop bitching about how youre stuck
Stop watching the world go round without you

So fuck it
You dont need me
I dont need you
I get it already
Lets just soak it all up
And wring it all out

So youre stuck
Think youre fucked
Surpassing your own inertia
Keep dancing insanely with insomnia

Or maybe you sleep too much
Dreaming about those dreams and such
say all the taboos with your eyes shut
do all the never-could-do-thats with all your gut

Hitting terminal velocity
Losing all grip of your self esteem
Fall into your stream of destruction
Then take flight and fly above your own abduction

Cause where have you been
We need you back
Im looking at you on the back of a milk carton
In an album from a picture from when you were 10

Come back and show me the world you wanted to live in
There comes a time when you stop waiting to become that woman you always wanted to grow up and be
And start acting like a woman, and then you wake up and see
Youre just where you always wanted to be

Do the things that make you happy
Treat yourself right
Sounds so stupid and plain
But one of the hardest things to do

Catch yourself
No one else will
Consider it a blessing if anyone ever does
But dont count on it

Dont slap your own hand
Therell be enough people in the world to do that for you
Its none of your business what other people think of you
Youll be surprisedyoull go a long way before they start knocking you down

By that time you will have already found your middle finger
And those faces of support, real support, will linger

Lets turn it up
Break it down
Stop bitching about how youre stuck
Stop watching the world go round without you

see you coward

he is
more part of my life than you were ever really in my life
he is
that needed hand when pop's is reaching for the ladder
he is
the only blanket that puts me to sleep
he is
watching me peripherally catching my sentences when the world becomes a blur
not because
i am an alcoholic or i snort things up my nose
just because
sometimes when
you try to carry the world, you just need someone to remind you you're enough
especially when
you've been told for so long
you will never be enough

he is
lemonade on a rainy day
he is
a perfect cuddle when color turns gray
he is
my yesterday, tomorrow and today
he is
what you might not understand
he's not your game
my game
a head trip
a power rip
he is
here
with
me

he's been
here
with
me

you can
throw us out because it might make you feel better
you can
talk shit and disgust behind me and right to my face
you can
say it is not my night
it is not my night
it is never my night
but it is
always my night
because this is
my life
and he has
been
here
with
me

so talk more
say it all
condemn what has already happened
you are
pitiful
i don't
need your opinion
i don't
need you to hold my head up
in fact i
believe i held it a little higher
while i
was walking away

same shit
different day
same story
everytime
you have to
protect your brothers, you say
he has to
leave, you say
but i will
always welcome you in these doors
look inside, there is nothing to hide here
cause everyone knew
the emperor had no clothes on
and everyone knows
you were on the frontline for the wrong side
and everyone knows
there wouldn't even be sides had you
not intiated the war
had you
not so righteously said all the saids
but please come through the doors
you so viciously cursed
just so that maybe someday
you see you coward
see you coward
then change into something new
i did
you helped me do that
and every day you
shut me out, box me in, forget, throw shit at my face i
somehow find it harder and harder to remember why i missed you so much

so awful i
feel to have put him through seven years of tears for you
when really you
had wrapped me up and chucked me into another formula
but stupid i
always knew that's what you'd do
so here we are
you dance
i dance
but only i
am not looking for you i
am looking at my partner
him

my ma said...

we're gonna party till we drop.
i, apparently, took her words literally.


my apologies to the premature ending of festivities the other night. most people thought i had just simply dissappeared into the hawaiian evening, perhaps eaten by the pig. others saw the better half of me fall into the projector, be shamefully put on timeout, and escorted to my parents bed. some had the pleasure of witnessing me, well, you know. many things.

the faces
the faces
the faces

such beautiful lovelies.

i do sincerely mean every single one. but you know that about me, right?
i am a blessed little person, i am.

for those who did not make it, trust me, you were thought of. you were hugged. i was whipping your ass at karaoke, i imagined you were the pole, and when i fell i was falling into you. ... even though it was the projector. then the cement.

and those of you who showed up later only to find a useless arianna swept across a bed lying still in the middle of a spinning world, so sorry.

you+me= so fucking awesome
<3arianna

thank you for being part of my sweet 16. for being part of my life. from the hip hop heads, to the electro beats. the drags, to my cousins. from nyc to all those lost angels. from all my relatives to my family from back in the day. punk cats to all you bull dogs. fierce to badass. fucking kills me. how did it happen? how did i come to be so blessed to know all of you?

kisskiss