christmas eve

having conversations with yesterday
a new day
just by the merest fact of yesterday being this day

and sometimes i'm dissapointed
i'm fucking angry
with all this new
trying on all these new shades of blue
the sky looked so pretty today
and i wore this hue a little differently

reality chips away at these aching eyelids
and pound pound goes this heart
come sit next to me
so i can thank you
thank you for the anger
thank you for the love
for all the shit
and the hits that now mark me
like tattoed incisions across my body
this vessel called arianna
just skin bones and fat
missing ear and all
all that built me
all that i am

and i will stand
to hug
to write
to wish you the merriest of everyday
even when the days may be painted slate blue
fucked and foggy
unclear and painful
open arms
open arms
come hold me awhile
i promise
i'll hold you back

elephant clouds

and on these days
one at a time
counting blessings as i go
say hello

on rocketships to the moon
i wave at elephant clouds
stop for a moment to twist and shout with you
and then ease right back on that sky trail
say goodbye to the numeric dates that bound us
on these days one at a time
counting blessings as i go
say hello

to my rocket
gonna rocket

got my best sneaks on
gonna kick all these boogie monsters
right in the face and take my little place
peel off this mask
and float out of space
got my best sneaks on
gonna kick

always had this dream
that smiling was okay
if you're happy and you know it clap your hands
when you're sad and you know it just dance

got this dream about growing up
and being exactly what i always wanted to be
the pilot to my very own rocket
a smiling robot with all the gadgets to live dreams

got my best sneaks on
gonna kick all these boogie monsters
right in the face and take my little place
peel off this mask
and float out of space
got my best sneaks on
gonna kick

she pissed her pants!

i'm taking a break from the zine
just for a moment

i just want to say
well
fuck
i love my life


i love my family
so much

it's a fairytale kind of christmas

hardwood floors are canvases too

i got this crazy maybe
swinging it's kicks at the edge of my palm
23 always

all that can be done
will be done
meanwhile
we'll just keep
enter dancing

crunch

the beautiful thing bout life is
that it promises to change
to surprise you
to make you cry and hope to die
torture you and rip you apart
make you wish you never existed at all
then one day
life comes and starts banging at your door
reminding you to live
take it all in my friend
and let it all go
here comes the good
the nightmare finally over
jump and laugh now
because this too shall pass
and when those endless haunting days of sadness come again
know that you had it good
and as good passes so does the bad


it's a beautiful fucked up cycle
but man does it feel... wonderful
and hurt
like a whole bunch

the door is open

my eyes are getting heavy again
and my jaw is still clenching away
midday naps are always welcome
but never seem to actually arrive



lately i've been holding hands with consequence
hugging through a phone line
serendipitous it seems
something of dreams
but while awake
eyes open
stories telling stories
something i've heard before
something recognizable
something of a relief


a result
an effect
affected by impact
extracting my life pack
let's crack the abstract and put back all we lack
words defining words
you reflecting me
life knocking on life
just hoping
just hope
this time she'll open the door
this time he'll forgive himself
this time they'll know
it's ok


so i lean a little closer to the timber in your voice
riding the whelms of your thoughts
for a moment, unlocking my lock
and letting you in


and there she is
beneath a canopy waiting for sleep
scratching these words
spitting nonsense
not making any sense
slowly going insane
sanely again
but i let you in, anyway
something already planned i suppose
or maybe we're just something to write
some sort of prose
just to say hello in echoes
find in each other a hero
ditto me hollow
bitter you glows
a bit of our hearts exposed
almond eyes slideshows
the photo of this faceless leo



but somewhere in there
sometime when she answered the phone
let him into her unrested head
in turn, he let her sit in his dissented mind
they found they were of the same kind
something so very familiar


another ephemeral creature
a mirror


a consequence



letting go of my defense
my eyelids are heavy again
exhaust just beneath this skin
but sleep is no where to live freely, so up up i'll stay
scratching words midday

table for one

sleep is slapping me clear across my face
bruising my eyelids
trying to unclench my jaw
wrapping me in a canopy
and yet i stare defiantly at my dreams

tossing and turning so still
i want to surrender
exhaust me words
exhaust me pray

there you are again
always you
what the fuck
again
and again
and again

it's fonder i think
all of it fonder
i used to think moreso when i slept
then i thought reality
when dreams come true type shit
no but now
it's better when i'm awake
and you're not here
this is where my thoughts of you roam the free-est
are the bestest
are right there down at par
exactly where i always imagined you'd be

this is when i'm not dissapointed
this is where my picture perfect world exists
no longer in dreams
i just figured it out
no longer in dreams
not even when the dreams came true
it was in the longing
that perfect idea of what was

see, cause in reality it isn't anything i remember
or thought it should have been
and in dreams, well dreams are just a reflection of reality
mine are anyway
but here
now
i can be awake
and play these silly picture shows of perfect imperfection
hope for something that no longer exists
not because it isn't coming back
it no longer exists because it just simply
no longer exists
i know
i've seen it with my own eyes
i felt it check out

right now
i get to pick and choose
every slide
every memory
every moment
that made me hope in the first place

cause reality ain't cutting it
and dreams don't bring it
not anymore

in your absence you are everything i remembered you to be

don't kid yourself

i'm not that tough
keep reminding me of how strong i stand
how solid i am and i will falter
that's what you wanted me to say you fucking wish
it's never me down the alter
always me in that slutty garter
words in the gutter
my voice echoed in a sewer
pinch my thighs harder
put your hand between these knees and go fetch
dig deeper for my heart by way of my cunt
let's be blunt
you're only here to impress yourself
so bat bat went my lash
twinkle twinke went my eye
as you wrinkle my jeans
thrash about around my inseams
live out your dreams
i'll pet your narcissism just right
all fucking night and i'll have you bite by bite
cause this dress was for you
and the twinkle too, it's true
and the blush and my ass in these pants
and my little scratched words
but don't be mistaken
it never meant i wanted to get fucked by you
i was looking for something more than your dick
a little more than your sticky lips
was looking for you
at you
the whole time
but your stuck in your self importance
your disgusting need for a pat on the back
how smart you are
how handsome
how wonderful
how beautiful
bat bat goes my lash
how brilliant and fuck i'm so lucky to be here with you now

just cause we fucked
does not mean i was fucked by you

so tuck it back in sir
don't be so disappointed that i'm not staying
that i'm not buying into your shit
fun, right?
that's all i can afford for the mice
i'm on a budget
and you can't buy me
don't take loans
i earn my right to speak
big fancy cars don't get too far with me
i can pay for my part of dinner
i can pay for my own existence
you didn't give it to me
you can't take away what i already have asshole
i never needed you to make my life whole

on top of napkins

forks spoons and knives
from the east village
to long beach
days look different
different agendas
i find myself missing those momented years
i wanted so badly to leave behind
praying on "this too shall pass"
and pass it has
what heartbreak bestowed upon me
arianna meet irony

when given a new day
it's funny how quickly we adjust
so funny i fogot to laugh
left that smile somewhere right next to
those salty tears drowning in bob's lake
knocking on doors i once had the key for
asking permission to hold your hand
to spend the night
our break up becomes a thing of art
a song and a documented poem
a test of emotional tolerance
walking on a threaded boundary
slipping on residue left from yesteryear's memories
such comedy!
wrapped in a lake of tragedy
never could figure out how to hold on to water
not when the water is the container

so spill on me tragedy!
spit hail on me irony!
then leave me in this hell
raging words
sexing prose
standing outside
hugging rain
the perfect soulmate to pain
silly lamented dame

forks spoons and knives
what a fucking life

of mice and men

kicking balls and hitting walls
getting up after the fall
that there is the stuff that makes a man stand tall
not if you win or lose
it's the fact that you showed up at all
show up for the game
and life has no choice
than to acknowledge your voice
i'm so glad i came
that silly dame
with her silly dog
too early they left
but smiling for you all the same

anchored to faith

i am gasping again
longing, waiting
how bout it?
the pain of days ending
the relief of days bending, changing

life...
never gives me a break
where's my fucking piece of cake?
sometimes i just want a retake
pretend i'm a fake
but i'm anchored to faith

great


integrity is always banging on my head
in the vast company of adversity, i tread
searching, sometimes frantically, for those serenity sails
trying to stay up over the swells
trusting trust will keep me afloat
latching on the the idea of "diginty"-- that humble boat
promised to take me home

meanwhile i just roam
amongst these tragic waters
praying for my heart to be better
be stronger

don't think, see don't think, be
don't think, dream don't think, beam
just don't fucking sink!

refill please

picture shows of everyday passed
everyday leading up to this one
just beyond the coffee cup
i thought i saw my tomorrow

moving on. being moved. moving forward.

... so i wanted to say...

well-
i just typed and deleted and typed and deleted about a dozen times

lame.

not my style



it's always early when you're awake
it's always late when you don't sleep

so i'm in my favorite time of day
when the sky changes her jeans
and my head was chasing dreams it was inept to catch
but i touched with my fingertips a few roaming thoughts worthwhile enough to let dance around my mind a bit

and there you were
in a doorway speaking of some lyrics you put down somewhere
and in your eyes was a mirror
something familiar
it made me smile

... so i just wanted to say


well- and then there was a lonely coffee cup
and it was shitty
cause it really wanted company that night
and there's nothing wrong with thursday
and coffee loves birthdays
but the coffee didn't want to impose
and the coffee didn't want to be exposed
not like that
she just wanted to be

... i guess all i'm saying


err- then there was that other boy
she seemed so much more interested in
on a step, at a show, so close to her skin
but she really did come for him
that guy in the band
she thought it was nice when he kissed her hand


... so i just wanted to say...


i'm stoked too

words replace coffee tonight

i don't know why i can't sleep
why i can't write
can't type
but i'll try anyway


where once was an anchor

i'm trying to lean into it
i am
ride this life swing
ride it away from what i had to get used to


so deep is love
so very deep it trickles

i want to enjoy this
right now
because i know
this too shall pass


in a canopy alone tonight
rest my head, i try
peace is with me, i know
i was just waiting for


everything

d/ nana

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


How do you manage blessings and tragedies?

I've had one of the most emotional weeks of my life and I'm not sure how I've managed to keep it together. I started the week off reconnecting with my little sister, who I was estrained to for over 7 years. We sat and talked for hours and she expressed all the feelings of resentment, betrayal and emptiness she had for her brothers. As well as all the growing up she has done and the soul searching and the processes she went through to get through these trying times. And I've realized that my little sister, Arianna, is more grown up that I am. After tears and understanding, our lives began to reconnect and I began to feel as if my family was becoming whole once more. The next few days were good. I spent time with my parents and my brothers and sister, and life was looking up. On friday I got a phone call from the sister of a good friend of mine, saying that her brother, Pablo, and another friend, Eddie, were in a plane accident and that she didn't know if they were alright. My body froze... and I didn't know what to do. I sat and waited for two hours keeping the news to myself praying that they were alright. Then the phone call came saying that Eddie survived, but that Pablo didn't make it. Pablo was like the little brother I never had. I knew him since he was 13 and he lived with us for the past 4-5 years. He was a great kid. So full of life. He was only 19. We had a falling out a few months back and we never really resolved all of our issues, but the last we talked, he said was getting better and that he was starting to clean up. I kick myself for not being there these last few months. Now it's too late. I started to call all the people who knew Pablo and everytime I said he passed, it became more real and more real. Everyday I talk to more people and run into more people who knew him and are saddened by his passing. I never knew how many lives this kid touched. On the day of his death, I was also going through some mixed emotions cuz I knew at any point, I could get a call from my brother saying that his wife was going into labor. I was going to be the uncle of a new baby girl. This was supposed to be a happy day. Plus, I couldn't tell my brother and his wife about Pablo's passing either. So eventually I got the call. Everyone rushed to the hospital, wiping the tears from their eyes and doing our best acting jobs to be happy. And when I saw little Ella for the first time, I was. For a few moments I forgot about Pablo. She was so adorable. When I got to hold her, everything was alright, and I realized how precious life is. I expierienced the whole circle of life in one day. Now a few days have passed and I can't stop having this crazy emotional rollercoaster ride. And most of my moods been dark. I'm trying to snap out of it,but it's hard. One good thing that's come out of this week is that I'm reaching out to some people from my past to bury old hatchets. It sucks that a death makes you realize that it's just not worth it to have grudges. Love now, because it might be too late to love later. So... WELCOME BACK LITTLE SISTER... WELCOME TO THE WORLD ELLA... AND REST IN PEACE PABLO... I LOVE YOU ALL...

1:04 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
lady basco


how do we manage blessings with tragedies?


i don't know.

cry. alot.
then laugh. alot.


and somewhere.. somewhere.. within life's jokes..
you find a reason again.


i don't know how.

for me- -- - after death. life. war. bombs. being born with one ear. always feeling separate. always being different. touched wrong. guilt. pain. humiliation. doubt. hands slapped one too many times. chin too fucking heavy to hold up. knees anchored to one summer in '99. anchored to phone calls. letters. words. fights and hugs. singing and screaming. drinking and eating. ephemeral moments of bliss. ephemeral moments of shame. needing to gather every single day, every single feeling to make up for lost time. to remember everything so she is never forgotten. so he is never forgotten. so you are never forgotten. --- -- -for me.. i just wanted to die.

i didn't want all the responsibility of my emotions.


so what do i do?
once i tried killing myself back in '99, but the universe wouldn't have it.
after heather passed, i really really wanted to go to sleep forever.
had all my reasons why stacked up high like a suicide bank. i just didn't want to feel anymore. but i leaned into it. went through it. wrote it. sang it. cried it. hit it. fucking roared with my head in the fucking gutter about it.
...and then you guys came back. and i was angry. again. i was hurt. again. and pissed. even more reason to just quit. stop living.

but i suppose i was too much of a pussy. couldn't do it. kill myself. nope.



so i decided to live.






and lo and behold, there is so much to live for.
that's what she told me. what she taught me.
fucking live arianna.
choose life. this one.



life got jokes, bro.
they're lessons.
they're blessings.


i love you dion.
never stopped.

Posted by lady basco on Tuesday, September 19, 2006 at 4:11 AM
[Reply to this]

favorite scattered rambled

it was my favorite, you know
when you let it go
looked at me
and really looked
and cried
for all the years lost
the memories missed

i just want to write
about it all
i wouldn't know where to start
don't want to close my eyes
don't want to miss it
not now

i kinda want to curl up and weep for a few days
just a few
then pick myself up
dust it all off
and then dance
sing

i'm right here
here
my feet on the ground
flying

someone was praying for all of us
and i just wanted to thank you
just wanted to extend my gratitude

i don't know
my back hurts
my bones are strained
i don't know

i'll get a grip
i'll sort it out
i always do

till then
here
here i am
in all my ramblings
all my blessings


blessings
it's like my favorite word
truly is
keep safe that special
hold securely those treasures
precious
so precious
ephemeral magic
you feel for lifetimes

it's what keeps me going

MIA

when in mia
it appears
life
change

when in mia
it seems i head into
the eye of the storm

when in mia
it seems that birth and death
happens
simultanoeously

new and old slaps me right across the face
villans and heroes return
to face each other as martyrs

that song plays again
fast car
fast car
i've been waiting so long to listen to it with you

it's okay
you're okay
i'm okay




6 matyrs in a room
around the dinner table
reading the chapter together this time
searching for the definitions
telling the story
of a family ripped
shattered and lost
writing the story
of a family sewn
found and healing

what a trip


dreams coming true
living out loud
and laughing
loudly
truly


move me to those days that i want to leave
that i was never present for
slowly going insane
sanely



so much to catch up
so much to know
to learn

or

just so much to be
today
now
where the nightmare ended


this life
my life
fucking crazy
fucking beautiful
and wonderous

and above all of it
so very blessed

when in mia
truth reveals itself
breaking us down to our common denominators

the music that raised us
the values that ring us
the lessons that bred us
all pointing the way home

and the words

And the words
I wanted to save every one
They were the stuff that dreams were made of
The stuff of dreams coming true

I never really believed
Until that night
Like I never really believed in death
I never really believed in

You came back
And said all the saids
That were rehearsed while my eyes were closed
Missing every day

Heroes and demons
Never really let go
History on repeat
Promises broken
Prayers spoken

And the stranger wrote
I dont share of my dreams
In fear of them not coming true
But I say share

Just make sure its to the people who truly care
Share them with your eyes open




And then we cried
five martyrs around a table
we all paid a price
all proved that we were able
all bet on blank dice

I dont know what to say
Nothing comes out right
Tell me I dont have to hurt anymore
Ill just keep typing till it pours out differently

But it doesnt see
Maybe if I pray more
Ill grow an ear
Apparently dreams do come true
So Ive been shown
So Ive grown to learn

My face right now must be stoic
Numb
Feeling so much
But feeling so calm

The chapter is finally over
The hell on earth endured
There is a light
And I am blessed again

Did I take care of myself this time?
Was the oxygen mask secure?
So long the journey
So long still

The struggle now
Is to hold on to free
Im putting my seatbelt on
My seatbelt on

What it all means
What tears are for now
Laughter and pain
Fuck I dont know
Did it all just happen
All that
All those words
Apologies and forgiveness
Ella
Tomorrow
Derek
Darion
Dante
Dion
Darryl jonathon
Arianna
Darius
Aida
Emily
Miles
Family
One
Mine
Ours

new york new york

was good to me. as always. even when it's bad.

blue stockings
allen st south of houston

go get yourself a tard and feathered

and if you happen to be in williamsburg..
inquire about the zine at that bookshop next door to the verb at the bedford stop

otherwise....

i just got home from hmm.. well..
yesterday i got on a plane from nyc and went straight into a graveyard shift. slept for a little less than an hour and woke up for the f-pac festival.

just got home. exhausted.
will be there again tomorrow.

come out.

san pedro.
it's fun.
and entertaining.
plus funnel cake.
ephemeral apparel.
tard and feathered.

i'm shutting my eyes for a moment my lovelies.

when i couldn't find you i saved your words

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 8:05 PM - Mench. Repaying vanity with acts of kindness, my hollow is hollow. Wrong time. Right place. Giving and taking everything pushes me off balance. Burning from both ends, the tallow melts away leaving a flimsy piece of string. Two flames dangerously close. I hate feeling like this. Getting away with more than I deserve. And not. Two people. Both people. Living Gemini. This is retarded. 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Friday, February 24, 2006 3:40 AM - It's been a long road to get back here..... NewYork, NY Kalamazoo, MI Boston, MA Cincinnati, OH Chapel Hill, NC Greensboro, NC Erie, PA Hershey, PA Wilkes Barre, PA State College, PA Toledo, OH Columbus, OH Wilmington, DE Detroit MI, Fort Wayne, IN St. Louis, MO Green Bay, WI Rapid City, SD Indianapolis, IN Philadelphia, PA Washington, DC Syracuse, NY Buffalo, NY Rochester, NY Louisville,KY Atlanta, GA Augusta, GA Greenville, SC Stamford, CT New Orleans, LA Dallas, TX Phoenix, AZ Los Angeles, CA Mexico City, Mexico Denver, CO New York, NY Boston, MA JAPAN Tulsa, OK St. Louis, MO Dayton, OH Thousand Oaks, CA Pasadena, CA Salt Lake City, UT Reno, NV Tacoma, WA Witchita, KS Houston, TX Waterbury, CN Galveston, TX Omaha, NE Providence, RI Columbus, OH Ft. Lauderdale, FL San Francisco, CA Tampa, FL St. Paul, MN Baltimore, MD Grand Forks, ND Wilmington, DE Louisville, KY Amarillo, TX Lubbock, TX Austin, TX Corpus Christi, TX McAllen, TX Springfield, MO Rapid City, SD Evansville, IN Savannah, GA Sarasota, FL Appleton, WI Philadelphia, PA Wheeling, WV Portland, ME Lancaster, PA Stamford, CT Columbia, MO Hamilton, ONT Detroit, MI Orlando, FL Indianapolis, IN Raleigh, NC Edmonton, ALB 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Wednesday, January 25, 2006 2:15 PM - Detroit. Detroit. Detroit. Detroit. Two cities, neither of which I see. Where did you go? That afternoon when everyone packed up and left your streets deserted. Your windows hollow. Heatless steam rising from dried up sewers. Your survivors fill my seats. Their applause bounces tinny off the peeling walls of a faded theater. When the lights come up what do they call home? Detroit, where are you? 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

12:54 AM - No more cigarettes. I quit twenty three days ago and was just fine up until last Wednesday, now it's really hard. What is it about cold depressing towns like Hamilton, Ontario and Detroit, MI that make me want to smoke? Discuss. Currently watching : The Philadelphia Story Release date: By 02 May, 2000 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Saturday, November 05, 2005 4:46 AM - Why am I still up? there's nothing waiting for me in dreams eyes kept open in the hopes of a message an image a call a voice to tell me i'm hallucinating there's nothing wrong that i don't actually feel this way but eyes keep returning to a circle of chapped skin where a ring used to be i want to cover it up. pretend. solace comes in song comfort in quarter time consolation in the bitterness of fools stuck in time keeping time everyone here has issues someone they lost along the way travelling together lonely all pass through the night hours alone in our cells finding sleep at sunrise finding peace 'till housekeeping knocks a reminder you are far far from home two more minutes it'll be okay two more minutes someone will wake up two more minutes someone will call two more minutes another song to remind you what's gone verse it's over verse let go verse can't chorus this hurts just stay with me for the night just so i can sleep just so i can sleep just so i can sleep 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Friday, November 04, 2005 3:43 AM - A Pirates Life For Me forty winks since last I've seen home el mirage she sails eighty mph. ladies of the evening sing a sirens' song in every saloon whiskey and beer dull the shine of the lone star dust collecting on my boots dig my heels into the sides of any thing I ride just want to feel some life between my legs pound the decks with a broom soot and smoke fill my lungs skin on my hands getting thicker bring me to port, there's a storm sea came up clouds rolled over ships been flipped capsized and drowning fuck you come any closer and I'll kill you water in my lungs feels just fine save yourself I'll sink with the boat.... ...it's just another journey mark the days on my arms a calendar in skin serving out my sentence at sea we waltz and sway stomp and sing the tide's gonna take me away away... "Sure I'll see shore. One of these days. And when I return, She'll have married a king Knowing that rowing, Will keep me on course. Sails full of wind, Could've carried the thing. No worry. No hurry, She needs you no more And getting there faster, Won't lessen the sting." rhymes and rhythm to keep from the life I'm missing the girl I'm missing the love I'm losing "Let my tears salt your glass Toast my pain, as you pass. I'll take my regrets To-go. With a passionate flourish Sing one final chorus Then drink up my love Yo-Ho!" 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Saturday, October 15, 2005 11:14 PM - Today is a good day. My insomnia is leading me to live in a present time. Inspiration abounds and I fill up. Able to take in the power and beauty of my youth. Lucky for the friends I have. The life I love. The notes come with ease today. Beats sitting between beats like they're in their favorite chair. All around me are these talented people wordlessly encouraging me to succumb to my self. Impossibly in love with the possibility of positively living out this love, I love, for the rest of my life. So slough off slumber for a few more seconds that'll bleed into hours like the sanguine stuff of my veins. Faithful to this new found delirium. Pie-eyed, prepare for the stage. Overwhelmed with the overture in my frontal lobe I am overjoyed, my time here, far from over. On the other side of dreams, I wake with a smile.

how can a dream come true if you can't dream it

oh how i miss the dream that never comes
some parallel universe that never orbits this way
where friends never die
where a dime is worth more than this measely pay
where vulnerability is harnessed and treasured
apathy is old and tired
doubt is fired and love cannot be measured by diamond rings
and confused with golden strings, fancy bling
but yet found in simple things like listening
paying attention very closely
to dreams you've never even dreamt
cause you're heart has already been spent over and over again
locked up in the den, swearing to never make the mistake to open it's gates again
and i'm trying to surrender to new faces
i'm trying to get closer to their touch
get used to it
but i can't
it's not for me
but neither were you
so no one
no one won, no one lost
but there is a dream
that never comes
but dreams are for dreamers
and i'll raise this child on my own
i'll hold up the fort with a welcome sign on the door
cause this is where i have to live
this is my life out of a dream
alone till the end, so it seems

reading sucks

i thought i could hug the world all at one time
kind of take your up
swallow your down
twirl you around in your favorite dress
hold up the mirror so you could take a good look
at all the shit and the ugly
the dirt and the grease
the fucked up stitching on your skirt that you're only now realizing
you probably got ripped off

take that favorite day when you were having a water fight with your cousin
and you tripped and fell, but it was okay cause your brother came by and got you off the ground
or that night when you were the rebound girl or that one morning after when you were still number one

that one fourth of july when you exploded on your ma screaming for independence for the first time in your life
that night you were punked by pops on a kitchen floor with a belt

or how fucked up it is to be born
with one ear
a limp
adopted
without a father
a deadbeat mom
abandoned
perfect
in every way

the day you first discovered music
like really really

you counting headlights on the highway
living a lie
living the truth
living

your daily regimen
the boring nothings of nothing really that important
your stupid empty dreams of becoming something so much greater

your dreams coming true

especially that one dream when you have to go to the bathroom so bad and then you wake up and go to the bathroom

that very moment when your dog got put to sleep and you witnessing life lifeless

that feeling of accomplishment after you organized your shoe collection
you finally got over your hangover
your depression
your void

that one trip you took and were surrounded by unfamiliar, parts of you questioned for the first time in your life
i wanted to know about that broken heart mended
that wounded muscle healed



i kinda wanted to hug all of this at one time
and then i kinda realized what impossibility felt like


until tard and feathered
so i was hoping we could all join in
and squeeze eachother through a mirror
a mirror that's reflection looks quite similar to you
that looks sorta like a journal
kinda like a zine

something to hold
put in your bag
remind you you're hugged
you matter
you count
you're unique
like everyone else

so if you took the time to read this
please consider reaching out your arms and hugging me through an email
a submission
a song
a photo
a drawing
a painting
a scratch of your life

volume 1 is well on its way
long beach
los angeles
san francisco
new york
maybe, in your hand

maybe you have no idea what i'm talking about
write me
i'll tell you


then...
you tell me


<3 lady basco

myspace.com/tardandfeathered

oh how i glisten

the truth is
i move this
this life this strife
this inbetween still
when my heart's ill i look to my head
to heal the sickness
find some kind of happiness

the truth is
i move this
this stuff, my bluffs
my tired mind and heavy feet
my shoulders keep my anchor
on my backbone
everything i own

the truth is
i move this
this letter making words
this prose painting worlds
this song to play
when i'm gone

the truth is
i move this
this body to music
thumping magic in my veins
my tears tamed by the bass
my face tickled by the treble

the truth is
i move this
this lip with this tongue
filling your lung with something better
i change the weather with your smile
i dial your number just to hear your voicemail

the truth is
i move this
everyday i miss
but i remember that kiss
on my cheek
on my lips
from a lover
from my mother

the truth is
i move this
these rocks and stones
rearranging poems on clouds
living out loud, oh how i glisten

the truth is
i move this
only cause you were there
to listen

the truth is
you move this

change for a dollar

always is a long time
so for everytime i say always
i really mean 25 years- and change

i always imagined we'd get married
live in a house
have mind blowing sex day in
day out
breakfast late night
dinner early morning

always imagined you entering me on a sidewalk
all drunk like
off of words
off of staring each other in the eye

i always imagined our children
so imperfect and cute
snuggle till they sleep
kiss their dreams

i'll scream when the sun rises
wake up the house
make love in a canopy
while the coffee is still brewing

i always imagined my toes dancing
so very close to yours

camping
you smacking my bug bites
us in the rain in a fight


always imagined they'd be proud of me one day
always thought they wanted to protect me in a way
but they never really did
and when i say never, i suppose i mean 25 years- and change

i always suspected i'd be some sort of artist
live amongst the workers
be amongst the humble
i always believed i heard things in halves
but always the better half
even if it was awfully sad

i'm always the first to get bit
to trip
to hurt
to fight
to speak
to shut the fuck up
stand in a corner with a dunce hat on when no one told me to
stand in the middle of chaos and denounce the emperor's new clothes

i always get sad when that song plays
but happy at the same time
i always feel deep
hear deep
nap deep
live deep

i'm always lost

but i always wish
i always do
and when i say wish, i guess i just mean i've been wishing for 25 years- and change

a place to cry

shut my eyes
want something better
shut my eyes forever
that's where i can cry

in a dream
you came and carried me
but you dropped me there too
you left me with the blues

what's the point
i missed it somewhere along the way
there's no safety net
it was fucked from the day we met

bang
bang
get out
bang
bang
i shout
bang
bang
i don't know what this is all about

i don't know you
married to faces i don't even know

round 25

not today


not this moment
look at her
really look
why
why born at all
they should have stopped at four
brown shards on the kitchen floor
one ear one tear
one girl
one world
no room for five
no room for this life

erase
erase
erase
not today
no good head space today

just smile and take another order
hit harder
hit me hard till i swell at the throat
tug me along as i float
then erase
erase
erase

fill your cup with someone else

cheap
second hand
left over
same shit, different face
know nothing about sustaining love
know nothing about love
at least not the way i know it
getting caught up in tangled webs

it's old
this is not me
i'm coming clean
gonna get rid of all these spiderwebs

you're bullshit

and that's not poetry
i'm typing with one finger i'm so over it

not mad
not sad
just-
aware
just-
done

you got what you wanted
i got what i needed

gotta go
gotta throw out the trash

how'd you get mixed in with the rest of my things?
ew
get out
yuck
yucky
you don't keep very well after the initial taste
always fonder in memory
but those are going to
they disgust me

cheap
false
fake
gross
all that love crap
with you?
it's a joke
you made a joke out of me
ew

<3<3
:):)
to your career... always
that's all that really mattered all along anyway
your music. support. always.
part of the soundtrack of my life.
love it. truly.
i'm a fan.
and that is very real.
very special.
you are in heavy rotation in my car.


you+me+blue hair and coffee and kiss and kangaroo and 23 and enter the hurt enter the heart and text after text after text and sex and song and poem song poem text kiss texttexttext... ew. yuckkkkkk. only when you're driving. when no one else is up to respond to you.

dude. i'm so much more.
geez. i disgust myself!


that was pathetic.
glad we got that one over and done with.


congratulations mikey! seriously.
with all the awesome wonderful amazing things you're going through.
FILL YOUR CUP YO!


that's it:)
i'll try to come to a show sometime when we're in the same city.
be good.
you know my number if you ever need a dose of me.



<3 that one girl who's always up
good night i'm sleepy


ps.. ALASKA

too tired for even you

the falling is always special
the touch
falling asleep nestled beneath your face
i blush
barely able to believe you and i
finding our place, our spot

a kiss only i felt, right?
a bit of magic made up
imposters stealing cups
but i'm taking it back
pouring you out
replacing you with this track

get the fuck out

hush

23 people to love
23 years to live
23 signs to see
23 lives to be
23 everywhere
23 dedicated to her
23 dedicated to me
23 why couldn't it just be me
23 kangaroos
23 day of july
23 why'd you have to be
so sweet
so neat
23 can't i get you out of my head
23 why couldn't it have been us instead


you're a little heartbreaker.
geez.
and i thought i was bad.
girls just falling into you all over the place.
the life of a rockstar.. oh boy.
well.
oh well.

live in the now, right?

hide

it's true
black curtain hang over my heart
it's true
waiting to touch
it's true
come close and tuck into me
it's true
say goodbye suddenly

you can't fix me
i can't fix you
this is no therapy session
so let's just get it on
haven't you learned your lesson yet?
i am the cursed blessing you get

it's true
broken hearts will never heal
it's true
i fucked him too
it's true
all your made up fantasies
i do
cater to your insecurities
don't you
want to marry me now
a perfect bride
right by your side
your law i abide
to stay inside
and hide

you can't fix me
i can't fix you
this is no therapy session
so let's just get it on
haven't you learned your lesson yet?
i am the cursed blessing you get

it's true
you're not the only man
it's true
i appreciate the company of dan
and stu
and whoever else may be
but just
cause i share loud smiles with them
does not
mean they've all had a taste of me

but you
convinced this heart betrays
so true
these black curtains drape
it's true
from you there's no escape

recording notes

my fingers so still on this keyboard
a little overmhelmed i suppose

a little overwhelmed

move in closer to me
roll towards my heart and let's play together

i'd like that
yeah, i really would


come cuddle and say all those sweet nothings with your palm
breathe heavy tender on my neck
lay soft against my shoulder

right here
hold
pause
freeze
sleep

miss it so much

ephemeral apparel

it's what i wear today
my heart on my lips
my thought- spotted drips
my beliefs on my sleeve tint
my gut cut and pierced in print
rock it shy
rock it bold
dress it real
bless it and deal
heal

get over it
get into it
give it for real
wearing my zeal
it's what i wear today
all i've got
all i am
all i'm not
all that i want to be

it's what i wear today
all my feathered bullets
these day in and day out poets
you and me, pilots to our rockets

it's what i wear today
halfway to someday
swaying in this day
pushing through this passageway
i rock my soul as my forte

my best fashion
my moment
stained and sewn
all i own
cloth for my backbone

i paint the world today
just by wearing me today

and launched are all these staggering rockets
we're all just ephemeral snippets of a moment
how brilliant

to wear who we are
learning it's okay

it's what i wear today

bliss is ignorance

whoa.


it's all happening.




i am humility and rebel
i am responsibilty and choice
i am black sheep painted purple
yellow in a world of green
blackened in my wildest dreams
sometimes i like my steak rare
sometimes i want to get lost in your stare

i am nothing special
i am just like you

i have been tarred and feathered
but i am standing my ground
i won't be leaving town

this is where i'm from
this is where i'll reside
in all this dirt
this old weathered shirt
in the lining of your skirt
fucking hurts
this battle
this fight
finding out our worth
it's kinda nice
you by my side




myspace.com/tardandfeathered



the first 50 copies have been printed. ripped. hole- punched. binded. checked. one- by- one.

hollow suitcase. recording.

ephemeral apparel. screen printing.

release celebration. my mom's birthday. downey. july 29th.

deadline.
deadline.
deadline.




all of you is why this is happening.
really really.

can't wait to share it with you.

can't wait for you to be involved in the next/ future issues.


but then again, you are already in this one.

so damn grateful. so damn grateful.





and i'm anxious. can't sleep.


what's in your mouth?

eve's brew

the quiet before the storm
shh
enjoy this space
enjoy it now
because it's all about to get louder
take out your ear plugs and listen to the build
her she comes
or goes
depending if you're standing
or moving
dip dive and dig
take a bite and live
i want to feed your mouth with some home cooking
thank the non believers for all their doubting
shh
take a bite and live

i ate the fucking apple
paradise is overrated

put the load on me

you game for swapping stories of defeat?
blue dames score blessings cutting boundaries
all to save you a seat

i never belonged
not even to me

i was a mistake, so they say
but i say
fuck your pity

i'm gonna take these late night chats
and smear my face in them
wrinkle my shirt a bit, stain dust on my skirt
get my feelings hurt

the torture
gnawing away at this cist
so fucking bloody it always insists
my thoughts all crazy in a studder, my eyelids in a gutter
my calloused head is gonna need a shoulder
while singing tiny dancer
looking for the answers
cause somewhere i lost her
always wearing her brand, 'the other'
she's still looking for her brother

i do

having a hard time wrapping my head around broken hearts
but i suppose that's the point, right?
my head is quite a ways north of my heart
who am i to fight anatomy?
what liberty do i posess to oppose science?
who the fuck cares about all this loud silence?
you letting go is none of my business
but it was in the letting go i find a way to sort out this mess
i suppose my heart will determine my head's unpredictable ways
i guess there's really no reason for why you never stay


but i can't help but wonder
do you smile as i shatteredly dance upon your palm?
do the shards of my broken heart sting your calloused hands?
do you save a thought for me when that song is on?

choose life*this one

i believe in everything i write

only because i believe in everyone i write about



geez... it feels right
i've felt a lot of wrong in my life
like i was wrong
i am wrong

it was a mistake
i was a mistake

but not when i write
not when i'm painting a little bit of you
just a scratch of who you are
peeling off those rusty tough fences you built
surrendering to something sweet
something nice
something you earned
your worth it you know
all that light
all that laughter
all that happiness
its yours already
it really is
and no one can take it
you can't give it away
that's the best part of it
when you've really accepted yourself
all you can do is share

i wish i could draw with these words the feelings and sounds and scenery of this perfect
but i can't
so there
this will have to do
simple
simply

sometimes good things make you cry

morning pictures are always the most beautiful
that first smoke of the day
adding a mood for a new light
new crisp
bite me off another piece of that cookie
wrap me in lemon ginger tea
play those keys so sweetly
and tell me that sad story again
only sad because it made me so happy
so very
break my heart over and over again
in intervals
at that carnival
where we are always young
always safe
always still
time moving so still-ly
it feels so close
talking shit in front of the cotton candy stand
falling in love under artificial stars
you're not too far away this time
not when this song plays

i put my hands over my ear and my fake one, too
trying to keep all of it in my head
in my heart
trying to contain it all in this vessel
i fear i have not the capacity to keep you
but i'll try
i'll try my hardest
keep you now
hold you now in these words always in a minor key
always a string of melancholy tying our souls in an unravaelling knot
i want to be your joy clot
always there reminding you to smile
kiss away those troubled weights
replace them with magnolia blessings
or those things that grow in the middle of the grass
the ones on a stem with light as a feather hairs
you pick them and make a wish and blow
i want to be, not your wish, but the reason why you keep wishing
keep beleiving
i want to be that breath you hold for a moment
anticipating a suprise
maybe a present under the tree
a brand new bicycle!
a ribbon tied with my mama's love
my dad's proud approval
stamp me pretty
and let me be
all special like in a quilt of my history
sit on my feet and let me purr in you
sprinkle smiles on your every try
these trying's of life
i believe in yours
i really do
come sit next to me for awhile
i like that game
believing
in all those ridiculous untouchable dreams
it's only because of you we can attempt the touch in the first place
you are the dream
and i'm just reaching the best i can to get a little closer
understand it a little more
so that maybe the reach
will blossom into a hug

and then we'll take a picture
in the morning
and smoke will dance from my lips
and we'll talk about how many first smokes- of- the- day we've shared
how many wonderful days we've shared

tickled storms

i just sighed, in case you didn't hear it
my trust- tried skin traced your face, i knew it
dig deeper now, sink lower into me
get the picture? drink gets stiffer by the minute
you're looking for a prophet
lo and behold you found me
but i'm just a poet

i am circumstance in full form
don't cram romance in this dull storm
i get angry when i can't give enough
i get antsy when i can't live out love
and i'm searching for that vulnearble brownie
time lurking, sore chats, usual courtesy
i'm hungry
i'm trying to earn something i'm not owed
change jingling in my pocket
little trinkets, hollowed
tilting this full moon as a reason to call
your voice making me crawl
through sugar dough and muffin heads
over a lake when night shreds
it's sullen dark revealing this new
me and you at the bbq
talking with smiles
taking turns at this turnstile
walking late night style
holding hands through our cell phones
our tongue dance, flower me well from another time zone

how'd we find each other
why bother
questions are wasted on us
your actions are weighted on canvas
you've marked your place now
proved your spark, you see my raised brow
don't worry, forever has already begun
i'm sorry, never is retired and done
you're right here
here
in my heart dear

i'm hungry
i'm drowsy
i'm storming
it's morning

cling cling cling
do your thing
i'm just doodling
almond eyes whittle
opened my twinkle
tickle
you
the thought of you

where we dwell

it's morning again and i can almost feel you on my skin
almost
the sun is poking at me and i remember how we squinted that day almost seeing every last bit of each other's soul
almost
alone these words hoping they'll touch you deep someday, make you wonder why you never stayed
almost
this head will rest alongside this morning, away from your body and your beautiful groaning
almost
see, i close my eyes and pray for your sweat to be on mine
i kissed your thoughts, you see, made love to your spine
cause that's your back bone, you know, and i helped support those vertebrae
but you don't remember that part, see, not until it is too late
but almost
you almost did
we were almost a we
no need for the apology
you just keep taking me in dose by dose
but i know we'll always just be an almost
don't take me too seriously
i'm just verbose
a joke
your hope
i'll take my coat now
this verdict i'll allow
i wasn't perfect enough
i was only that almost stuff
it's alright, i'm tough
i know my place
we were just a moment in this 'almost' space

it's morning again and i can almost feel you on my skin
almost
the sun is poking at me and i remember how we squinted that day almost seeing every last bit of each other's soul
almost
alone these words hoping they'll touch you deep someday, make you wonder why you never stayed
almost
this head will rest alongside this morning, away from your body and your beautiful groaning
almost
so close

shorehouse jazz session 4

marlow
lady basco

calloused from life
taking my coffee bite by bite
your words got me choking
on bended knees smoking
can't breathe--
was it you?
or the cigarette?
i don't live in regrets
calloused from strife
skin peeling
i'm reeling
skin unfolding in my nails like
the the ones in my coffin- or-
coughing from the smoke
and the mirrors
is it terror or fear
as the months turn to years
the years turn back to minutes
those mere seconds
ccatching wind and flying for hours
tangled in you
already singing our blues
blue like the cool dawn
that tears the sky- as i try
to tangle you up in my plans and stand up
as i stood up
put one foot up
and you look up
only to close your eyes
nice try----
i'm prying them open
put my thoughts in your oven
they're bakin
youy summer lovin
i've got you ducking
but you can't dodge the shine
you're not allowed to be blind
not on my time
and as the sun rises above us
it loves us
pours over us
adores us
as you blindly stair passed it
it's sunny
like honey, soak it
all in
like sin
like my skin
golden hairs-- shimmering like i'm
whinpering
it's simmering
burning my eyes
making me sigh
you are my high
you are my low
you are the why that makes me glow
so show yourself damn it
i bare it all for us
do your part and take it off
... even the socks
let's throw each other around and make some bad decisions
concentrate on these little incisions
we're carving on each other
making paper cut shapes only to unfold this beautiful accordian
of you and me fleeing
this space
making something out of nothing
stop tucking back those feelings
bring it
fuck it
fuck this poet!
go on and show it
show me what is underneath
not just your pants
not just your shirt
show me the pain
show me your hurt
show me the color that plays in your mind
then show me the way
you fuck from behind
tug on my hips
then pull out, use your lips
we've got a pair of them
so choose wisely
so many places to kiss
take me to bliss
sublimely
tenderly
selfishly
make me talk naughty to my pillow
dirty me clean while i wear stilletos
screaming falsetto
shush me- then hold me
bend me- then fold me
rehearse the words that i told you to tell me
then smell me
my mouth
my neck- my hair
just don't stop once i'm there
pause in me, show me where the wave crashes
hold tight- my gut caves- my inside thrashes
let's fight
wrestle in these sheets
i'll let you think you got me beat
i'll stumble my expressions
just so you get the right impression
i'll ramble my laughs
put my mark on your map
-- got this crazy cramp in my calf
fuck i'm so damp
... the air in here is moist
i think we made the right choice
are we pro choice?
does my pussy have a voice?
or is it just moist?
an invoice?
a notch on your belt?
the hand you've been dealt
an ace in the 'hole'
a jack for your king?
an unspoken thing?
for your face betrays
all the cards that were laid
i will call all your bluffs
i will cash in your chips
i will serve up a cocktail
while you suck on my tits
sing songs to my clit
you're the perfect fit
hit it again
paint my grin
i'm dancing on your taint
watching your minor faints
a cat licking me- like you're cleaning
what first had meaning-
now just moaning
growling and groaning
but just until morning-
when the same golden sun
is now a ball of fire
and now you're a liar
a sharer of sheets
a withdrawl- an incomplete
bearer of deceit
admittor of defeat
a trinket
a treat
no longer mysterious
a specter- i'm furious
it's ruined by desire- brimstone meets fire
and i'm tired
you took my number-
now i'm in no mood for slumber
because sleep will deceive you
to wake up still near you
no time to miss you-
our legs still sticky with decisions we made
as the boundaries fade
and the music we made
pours rain on the parade
the queen trumps the spade
the roll of the dice
the gamble of life
the cashout of lust
we put in together and the dealer's hand bust
we can't take it back
when it was laid it was played
and we paid
how we paid
the dreams of the could have
are shredded in should have
the plans that were inviting
are no longer exciting
that stuff we were fighting
made us us the right thing
now to spite me
it's time to rewrite me
once upon a time...
i spoke of you in rhyme
i dangled my braid down
a turrett you made
of prose so pure- of frelance fervor
brick upon brick- the denial so thick that
makes me cross my legs
lock up this heart
close this shop
collect all the cards
wash these sheets
and forget you in me

a love poem's poem

i want to html you back in my life
copy and paste your ambiguous lines
make them adhere to my house wife fantasy
you and me on the road somewhere, on the nine train
local stops, kissing behind each subway stop
making love with our palms
singing songs with our top down
warm and fuzzies all around, dipping into each other's core
exploding thick lava in the form of a blanket
in the form of your body, in the form of that kiss
i want to keep it
save it
save as a word document, put it in my pictures folder
sink my teeth in your gut for awhile until it surpasses pain
the sting from my incision, the puncture of truth
i want to sink them till it tickles you
want to savor your taste, let it trinkle in my thoughts
marinate in my veins, circle your aura for a bit
let you dance on my clit, welcome your stain
want to be friends with trust, companion to lust
want to make tangible out of dust, bask in shine and fuss about
giggle
i want to giggle at your idiosyncracies
swivel
want to swivel in office chairs, pretend i'm on a swing
i want to fall from the tree and be okay
want to fall into you as if it were the only way
we'll sway on the rooftop while the moon and the sun are having a shift change
want to be your cane when you can no longer walk
your talk when your reflection is exhausted
your soul combusted



i just want to touch you again
that's all



impossible to be in love with a poet
too much, eh
such a price to pay
cause i'm gonna say it, inevitably you blow it
you'll dissapoint these words
you won't match these feelings
don't know why we expect you to
hope, i guess
hope that if we scream loud enough
write true enough
scratch hard enough
you won't act so tough
maybe you'll realize, you are exaclty enough
yet we're the tough ones, right marlow?
silly lady basco
getting all twisted
attaching love with cupid
turgid these fingers, dare to write such foolish intentions
turbid this wish
never in a poet's ribbon
the fortune cookie isn't for us
we wrote them
for other people's love harness
vicious
selfless


okay
that's cool
i write
you read
this is for you
to give to her
i'm just a travelling rhymer
that really pretty shoe
great girl
raddest chick
but it doesn't quite fit
never sticks


you and i archived
put us on an external hard drive

i know
it was special
i know
always always
miss you, too
go, it's cool
go dance on the strands of her hair
handle her with care
hold her face in your hands
i understand, you know i understand
i'll be writing somewhere
when the moon has a shift change with the sun
i'll be writing there
and you'll be with your one

the pretty dress

i'm a second hand smoker
a back seat driver
the third wheel

i hear in mono
i walk a little slow
it takes me a long time to heal

perfect is a far cry from here
money does not grow in my wallet
ambition is not my staple
beauty is not my mark

two hours of sleep never did me any favors
but then again, neither did you while i was awake
naw, i think you were better in my dreams
there all these seams make sense

the best article of clothing i got
stenched in smoke
stained by patterns that do not adhere
the perfect loud to be inappropriate
different
not a pretty girl
the just-right quiet hush to hear the wind blow through this skirt
this fucking hurts

this poetry
my muscles
doing the right thing
right
right
there's no magic here
i've never been that pretty
never fit in that picture frame
not my claim to fame

a measure

Sometimes I get so sad
Dont know what brings it our of me
Why my eyes sink low while looking up towards the sky
Trying to catch that pretty light from the sun
Out my back window
I imagine someone looking through right back at me
Like a mirror
Giving my life some sort of worth
Holding my hand so sweet like
Holding my dreams so careful like
Such hopeless wishes
Pointless ramblings
Early morning will do a girl in like that
Music like this will only rewind you
Only to put you right back out there
Alone
Fend for yourself my friend
Take it in doses
Swallow this pill of life
Take out those boxing gloves and learn to punch with an embrace
A hug
So tender
A song so real
Sing to me
Harmony bring me here

For now, my pillow, my knee
Sometimes Im not strong enough to hold it up
My veins pop out of my hand
Because I think, may, just maybe, there are so many other places it wants to be
So for now they are anchored in these words
Weighted by my head on my knee
My ear listening to this song
All this uncried tears
Im not going to, you know
I wont do it
Not one tear
Wont blow my cover
Wont take off these boxing gloves

But every once and awhile
This song
This song will break me down in its single lyric
And Ill feel a little weak in my gut
A little heavy
But just for a moment
Just a bar or two

shorehouse jazz session 1

marlow
lady basco

@ work on the back of a time card
always fighting time, for what?
who told me fighting was to be done by taking orders?
from the gourding adorers of eating disorders
affording the company of long legs and short skirts
the last ditch
effort-
*last call
but it's never the last call
there's another and another
from voicemail to text box
looking for finality
-closure
but there is always more
like we close our checks
the closure
a hex/ a curse
like the coins in a purse-
what's worse?
the hours we work
or the pay with no perks?
your face, another customer
this place-
you're so fucking amatuer
as you fondle her
you look over her hair
a ravenous stare- at some other fair
or fare-
devil may care
a better whore for less ware
and so pretty she wears pink on her lips
with your eyes undressing her hips
but holding that one in front of you
never satisfied, never enough
no one is, the one
pink always looks better than blue
or yellow like the cab- after she picks up the tab
and you follow her out- her curly tail and snout
last call- she was pink
and now in the light- you think...
what's that phone number about
how does she twirl when i lick her in that spot
what would she do if i tugged a little longer
what eyes will she have for me in the morning
storming-
and what's with the business card
a pink shiny lip glossed
tub of lard
from the fryer
we rehire- then fire
then recount the retired
french fried- untied
then sun dried
24 hours- and then back again
here comes dank deville with that slimy grin
i want to pour ranch down your advice
shut my eyes on you
have to realize something better than this burger and fries
you want me to suck your dick
while i'm serving your mozzarella sticks
but that's not my gig
so stop trying to dig
cause your shovel is broke
and your game is a joke
so please let me smoke
alone
or in quiet
because i closed the doors to lock out the bores
to even the scores
not to open my sores
and even if i were opening them
the invite is not yours
and this ain't a titty bar
and those ain't the keys to your car
so find that girl with the business card
i'm sure you guys will go far
and her pink shiny lips
will match your 10 percent tips
and as your front side unzips
you can think of the clink of the glass- the crash of the
plates the drinking of this ink
got you on the brink of this running sink
but this ain't your sunday mass
and you can't throw us out like trash
or as the door hits your ass on the way out
of my life
my face
my issues
my space
sick of this chase
i'm riding on the bass of your voice
that night we made the choice
to love
to let you in- not knowing the
that you would surround yourself
with a safety net that would not hold you
soon it will break
with the weight of our hate

shorehouse jazz session 2

title: potted plants
the only
marlow
lady basco


Naked face
Lost keys
At work
But not working
Came here to spend
So lend me an ear
Find my keys
My sanity
Give me a donut
A cup of joe
But I do not
Really know
How to unlock
The door
Any other way
So please
My keys
Suddenly appear
Dont leave
Like everyone else in my life
Right
Another sob story
Right
The little girl of abandonment
Stranger to entitlement
Blame it on the Tapatio man
You know he saw
Them disappear
But he doesnt care
Hes got better things
To do
Like wear
A sombrero
Burn someones taste buds
Add some spice to a dull life
So Ill shrug
For a moment
Forget the keys
Just be
Here with the only
Here with marlow
Counter me
Chili cheese fry dreams
Yellow tickets go round
Come out with the plates
Workout while making money
Smile for that tip
Stare at this lip
While I bite my tongue
You stutter drunk
And Im the punk
Lucky theres no spit in your food
Im not that rude
Dont flatter yourself
Youre just another case on the shelf-
A lost sense of self
Aloneon the phone with no cab ride home
What would change
This feeling?
Chili cheese fries catch
My eyes and promise
Me the power of the delicate flower my sweet midori sour
Sour like the hours wasting away at the shorehouse café
Watching night put on day
Day wear night
Wait
What day is it today
Its always early when you dont sleep
Its always late when youre awake
As if to awake to the tableau of the fake will make it okay
To face a new daywithout pay
Cash over fist
the taxable pissed..
we can swipe the cards of 1000 retards
and still come back to bitch
you make me itch
twitch
Im allergic to you
So tragic, its true
So whats new with you?
Is your life still filled with dumb news?
Your girlfriend is sick-in the bathroom of doom
Is your credit declined
Your parking ticket fined
Your parents in line
To pay of the debt of this time
You fucking slime
Ew
Sick of your spew
Never something new
Show me your tattoos
Show me your smile
Youre so hot
Whats your hang out spot
Here
You queer
As I dole out warm beer
You watch my ass as I deliver that glass
of what helps you steer clear
of whats really here
of whats in the mirror
Like the one in the mens room
Washing your hands
Ignoring the smell
That stands the test of time
And the sign
Our window reads outstanding breakfast lunch and dinner
It should say welcome! Come on in and be my middle of the night splinter
Right under my nails
For a piece of tail
At the pace of a snailwith the sour dough
Stalelike you
Shoot
The waitresses be pretty
The waitresses bring me my food
Im a washed up pity
Im just another loud dude
Hey
I dont usually do this
But miss
I was wondering if I could get your number
Take you away from this
Maybe offer you a kiss
And from the corner of my lip a curl
As I dismiss
You dick
Im not that kind of girl
I suppose you usually dont sleep either
Or eat
Or fart
Because youre not human
And you must not be if you survive
This meal
Which will steal nutrition from your body
What a deal
Im your after 2 o clock thrill
Does your wife know you live out your fantasies with the server
On the corner
She can find you on 2nd and la verne
Would she be concerned
Undress me more
Im your aproned whore
Do you think shed mind
While I serve your fries
I fuck you on top of the open menu
Suck you while you drink your au jus
Sugar your coffee with my saliva
Be the company to your insomnia
Hold your hand while you fork my cunt
Be the understand in your drunken blunt
Cradle your words like I care
As I interpret your cock eyed stare
As something less than debonair
I could tear you apart
Destroy all you are
If you could see in my head
You would cry in your bed
If you knew how I felt
Past the tuna melt
If you knew that when I see you wave at the door
I wave back and under my breath I abhor
You
And all that are with you.yeah you know my name.but so do the others
And your mother
And your brother
Its all undercover
You werent expecting a one- eared lover
Surprise surprise
Theres a sudden change in your eyes
Or the hard core punk rocker that has a fucking daughter
A face of an angel-mouth of a sailor
You wait at the door for the angst to unpour
Your slurred gibberish
A mouthful of shit
But enough about you
And your george Jefferson pimp walk
Im a little more than this pink blue purple blonde mohawk
Got these lines in my head
When put together resemble words
Theres a vacancy in my bed
A soul alone waiting to be heard
Not by myself
Upon a roach littered mattress
While you try to impress me like a left handed hat trick
I am past this unattractive
pro-active underhanded
manipulation
masturbation
cause you get off on yourself anyway
could have been any girl
any girl at all

pick your pleasure
well hope for some sort of treasure
no
no
our guard will not go down
were the girls behind the counter
the regulars of this town
youre amused
were abused
but its part of our truce
right?
Nice talking with you tonight
Heres your tab
Whenever youre ready
no hurry
please
please
by all means, go on with your story
Im listening
Im happy

Where the fuck are my keys
Fucking palm trees

picture this