you've got mail

one of those middle of the night binges i go on
already two poems in
you left not too long ago
always leaving
should be sound asleep by now
getting in your 8 hours

meanwhile
i'm soaking up feelings
my fingers trying to catch up with my thoughts
scratching new words
browsing old ones

then i clicked on my bookmark 'trol'
took me to a page that used to have your prison photograph
i used to go to it when you called so i had a visual of the voice on the other end
some times i'd just go to it to visit with you for awhile
thought some how, some way, if i was thinking of you
you'd know it
now it just leads to the general georgia prison site

it offered a 360 degree visual tour
click click and there it was
your old home
even took a peek at the kitchen floors
maybe this wasn't the one that you were in when you were working with your friend
but i imagined it was for a second
graveyard shift
saw you shooting the shit with him
bullshittin' finding things to laugh about
like life
and stupid things people do
whatever drama was going down
maybe some people you miss
some people you don't
perhaps pause every once and awhile
feeling the weight of where you're at
the heavy of what you think you were missing out on
the empty of a bleak future at the mercy of circumstance
the lack of a woman's touch wearing on your flesh
i thought i saw you behind one of those steel counters
bullshittin about what a great chef you are
or maybe even humbled a bit
learning a thing or two from a man
who you suddenly realize may be your best friend in that joint
but you don't tell him that
you just let him keep rolling words off his tongue
and you just bend that pretty lip of yours
give him a smile while slaving making slop for the other inmates
all the while a bit grateful to have a little something that reminded you of family
just bullshittin' through
loud smiles getting you through another shift
pushing till morning into a new day

probably making shit up in my head
the imagination is a silly thing
and so is writing emails at four in the morning