streaming words from pittsburg

on a couch, i curl up, like when i was 5
or then there was that one time, i threw up, drunken teenage years
me and my friend tried to cover it up by flipping the futon over
i was so wasted, the world was spinning

the world is spinning
spin spin spin

i came in last night
as i was driving up in the old neighborhood i couldn't control the emotion
i approached my house, the house that i was born to
couldn't stop
entered the house and got nearer to my grandparents room and my throat and my tears
stopped every step
i stood outside the door for a moment and just wept
my grand father was napping
a long nap

i sat across from him on my grand mother's bed
i snuggled up with her
as my brothers surrounded my grandfather's corpse
my mother came in and and said , 'dad, why didn't you wait for me? i told you i'd be back in a couple weeks'
my father walked in, eyes puffy like a man's would be when he sees his father lifeless
his father that gave him life

as i snugged with grandma i took in the room
the dim lighting
the striped sheets
the little silver clip that held the sheet down on the in- home hospital bed
i thought,
what a lucky clip
to have the honor to provide comfort for this man's last days
i was also a little jealous of that little clip
it was witness to my grandfather's last breath
what made that clip so worthy?

then i let go of that ridiculous anger
silly anger
i lay beside my brothers watching the night turn into morning
like when we were younger
and i sneak into the liquor cabinet
grab a little whiskey
we share a drink while we bust each other's chops
hold our tears
speak our thoughts


and all the while... the world, it spins
spin spin spin

didn't stop
didn't stop at all


wish it did
wish i could stop the whole world and post a bulletin
a status update
a mass text
to every soul
just to let them know i'm here
i'm alive
because this man existed
this
one


'in a couple of weeks' my mama said
makes me think how i'm gonna fill these next couple of weeks



i miss my grandpa


i keep telling him that
i hope he can hear me
but for now, this family shows up
the whole town shows up
eats
laughs
and sings songs
all the songs that bring us home


oh grandpa
where is grandma's home now?
where is mine


i know it's natural
i know he lived a long full one
i know the body is just a vehicle, a vessel
i'm sorry
guess i'm just a little girl in that way
i wanted him to live forever
forever and ever


spin spin spin
please
stop stop stop


nope.


so i'll just curl curl curl
tuck away for awhile
hold tight my pittsburg
hold close this love flowing through this house
and sing loud enough for grandpa to hear