you beat me every time

sitting in the backyard of my youth
shit talking over coronas and pipe dreams
cheap karaoke music blasts through the tv
while the mic gets ripped apart by the mouths of my adolescence

my heart beats hard for them
don't have any other way of explaining it
people may not understand it
why i choose to bring my past into my present
at all times
at all costs

i don't know
i think there comes a point in one's life
when you are nothing
absolutely the tiniest speck
you realize you could very well not exist
and no one would really know the difference
your thoughts are questioning themselves
your clothes are costumes
your shoes don't fit quite right
your own voice is stale and unusual
unfamiliar

and then there are those people
those chosen faces
or should i say, those faces who choose you
they come around
and at first, it may be new, awkward
might be some where when you were 12 or feel like you are
thoughts questioning themselves
clothes as costumes
shoes too big
voice staled
but some way, somehow
without them even knowing
they give you worth
remind you, you do exist
they make you somebody
rather than a nobody
always relearning the same damn patterns
running into the same mental locked doors
emotional breakdowns
and drunken tantrums

somehow
they heal me

so we sing louder than the shitty karaoke music
we be better than these pipe dreams
we live a little bigger in each other's presence

i know most people wouldn't understand
why i'm such an advocate of keeping my past in my present

i suppose it's just a gratitude thing
it's a human thing

so to keebs, trol, kirby, casper, ginger, love, ballerina, loyal, soprano, tb, j, heffa rest in peace, sweet trust and all the homies before and after

thank you
for keeping me real
having my back
this heart is forever yours

thank you
and if for nothing else
thank you for sitting in the backyard with me
it's always good seeing your face

we be grown ups now
but i think its safe to say
i'll see you for years to come

shit talking over coronas and pipe dreams
cheap karaoke blasting out of tv speakers
ripping adolescence out of microphones
i have a feeling
we'll always be sitting in the backyard of our youth together
always and forever
forever and ever

it's gotta be this way
otherwise my heart wouldn't beat this hard