gravity help me

when i sit down to write, i'm never quite sure what it will be
when i try to plan it, that's when my fingers go numb
they lose their destination
and the keys beneath them might as well be some third world symbols laid down before me to make a joke out of me
hence why i always title my pieces after they are complete

currently
currently- i'm not sure what comes next
leaves some room for surprise
i know i'm supposed to be writing a screenplay
a love poem for a friend's wedding
but currently i sit here listening to a playlist 'number one'
and realize i am in a screenplay
i am a poem

love

i looked up the definition
didn't work for me
seemed lackluster
inadequate

the word itself
the shape of it
the letters that build it
so undeserving of all that it stands for

i was sitting with a percussionist/ artist/ awesome chick the other day
she said something pretty profound
said something to the effect
'i don't hate you,
to hate you would require i love you'

indifference

that's the pain
there it is
that's the hurt
that's the knife
and the shape of that word
with each letter its like a turning of the knife making the wound that much larger
the void that much more hollow

i can't compete with your history
i shouldn't have to
i've got mine and you've got yours
indifference

indifference |inˈdif(ə)rəns|
noun
lack of interest, concern, or sympathy

then you meet someone who sparks you
suddenly, indifference becomes difference
and without you even knowing you've been changed
and it was oh so meant to be
for me, to truly WANT to give myself to someone, completely
for you, part of your break up process

and for that
i hate you