shooting up again

i assume the position
but still no dreams for me

why did you spare me
take back this youth
take back these words

i don't want them
i can't handle the responsibility
i don't have the answers

too smart too start
too dumb to try
and as punishment no sleep

life is crying life at me

what the fuck?
is god lonely?

why do you keep taking my friends?
why leave me to write about it?
useless letters
stupid words
keeping me up at night
no drugs to cure my addiction
my addiction, this drug
except my drug doesn't numb me
it doesn't let me forget

anything
everything

it nags at me all night long
constantly reminding me
just won't stop
just long enough please
i don't want to live this pain too

anything/ everything racing around my veins
playing hopscotch on my time
jump roping in my stomach

fuck! give it a rest!
and in hour intervals i get up for a smoke
every fifteen minutes i blame the pillow again, readjusting it beneath my head
every eight minutes i check my phone to see the time

it's late
it's always late when you don't sleep
it's always early when you haven't slept

why did you leave me to write this
and all i can do is call her voicemail
listen
to every
single
word

every
single
inflection

imagine her
recording the message
what was she doing
where was she
what was she wearing
what was she doing wih her hands

anything/ everything
i already miss this world
take me away
please
stop leaving me alone with just these words