...a comedy of errors

there's this knot retying itself
retying itself
and it's getting larger
and i don't know if i'll be able to keep walking

you are disabling me
and you
remember
are not allowed to hurt me
and you
remember
do not validate me

but i just heard something
that's making me twitch a bit
news that only you could create
only you could top

so you're coming back
reclaim what's yours
we've only been waiting
for seven damn years

fine, 6 1/2

i moved, you know
i grew, you know
i fucking needed you, you know
but i figured
well, you know, i must be wrong
i figured, you must be right
(God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change)
then i figured, i figure i have to do this on my own
(the courage to change the things i can)
and that's just what i did
(and the wisdom to know the difference)
just did it

so what, am i suppose to cry
already done
be shocked
yep
be happy
sure
be pissed
absafuckinglutely

FUCK YOU

i lived this
for fucking eternities now
i fucking toasted to it
shit on it
loved on it
wished on it
prayed when i didn't even believe in praying anymore
i blessed it
i regretted it
fucking felt that in every deep cement crack i could
sink my foot into
every ny block, la freeway
every pillow and sheet
every flight, every picture
every memory assholes
every single one
i dreamt on that shit long after
you were at peace with it
you had it "handled"
you had me handled
you let me go
do you remember that?
you talked mean shit
kicked me
stomped me
i'm scattered along these freeways from here
to the philippines
ma's albums
pop's readjusting to living in a house full of woman
memories of those feelings
that a little sister has
of just wanting to fit
just wondering why she was born with one ear
she was the only girl
she was always the drama queen
"acting out"
and now i'm just wondering
why am i left out again

so you're coming back
reclaim what's yours
we've only been waiting
for seven damn years

fine, 6 1/2

you're doing it again
breaking my heart
i don't believe it
see, and i'm already doing it
i'm asking you, how am i suppose to feel

and they were so silently rejoicing as they told me the news
it was brilliant
y'all had dinner and discussed it
a family dinner, at that
wonderful how i was not invited
well, ofcoarse.
arianna will be handled later
separately

always separately
it's my best pair of jeans
my best fashion
ain't nobody like her

i know i'm suppose to embrace this
but i'm sliding one hand into a boxing glove
and the other in brass knuckles
and fangs are beginning to pertrude from the sides of my mouth right under my lip
and i'm kinda ready to rip people another fucking asshole
i' kinda the girl with no expectations
but i'm kinda expecting dozens upon dozens of roses
some lilys too, just in case i don't like roses
i'm expecting a letter, a poem, a song, a painting, collage, an album, movie
hands and knee shit
forgive me please shit
because for fuck's sake! throw me a fucking bone already

you hurt me fucking bad

so bad
so fucking bad that this piece right here
doesn't even have to be a piece
ain't poetry, ain't poetic
got poems upon poems upon
all you
words stacking on words i could have built a new skyline

so far from my friend
so far from being my brothers
blood ain't a snap of the finger
it's a gift given
you didn't want it
you had some fucked up surgery
to get it extricated from your system
it ain't gonna be an easy proccess to pump it back into you
hell no
you fucked up

you fucked up
and i'm supposed to give you little sister sparkled eyes
be there and help you through this
support you
love you
give you a hug and a song
make you feel better
these fangs are beginning to draw blood along my jawline
and i'm weeping whips at your hearts from my eyes
cause shame on you
shame on you
to take so lightly
so boldly
so righteously
my body and mind
shake me so aggressively
move around all my insides
rearrange my whole life
take it away
make me find a new
build me from the fucking dirt
build this family fuckheads
help give it a reason to keep going
i was four boys and a daughter while you've been gone
check the fucking books
the timecards and the schedule
fuck. you. assholes.
where have you been
where do you think you're going
what the fuck
?????????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????
?????????
?

it's pounding
i want to tear you
fuck you up
get ghetto with bats
in an alley
razor blades in our hair
fucking call the homies
and jump you
but just me
they'll just round up
just so you don't run
fucking stand there and take it like a man
feel 365 days times 6 and then some
fucking leap years too
every fucking day
every fucking day
AUUAUAURRRRRUAURRRRRRARUGHGHHHARHHHHGUGGGUHHHARG!
that's a roar bitches
a roar