scream at the moon with me

i could stand to lose about 10 lbs
physically- i'd like it shaved off my filipino gut
mentally- i'd like it chipped off of yesteryears scars
emotionally- i'd like it amputated from the muscle in the middle of my chest

no doubt, i be blessed
kiss and moved by god's will
only got this far by the world that surrounds me
these faces
this family
these friends
the life i've built
and when i was too weak to build
they came anyway and built this world for me
one should be so lucky to have folks in their lives
that are the stuff of, 'no matter what'

10 lbs
i want them off
i don't want to be angry
i don't need this extra weight anchoring me to...
castrated men being lead by a cowardice queen
little girl lost finding her way on ny sidewalks
lurking in the shadows of the hypocritical student
driving from the backseat in my own car
the constant reminder of deformity on the side of my head

it's true
i can be cryptic

i just want...
to begin
smiling and hugging and holding and loving
babies and water, trees and coconuts
magic spots and rocks
jumping in bounce houses till we fall asleep in the backyard
walk me to my car and squeeze me a little longer than expected
hold my hand because you really wanted to see how well our skin would get along
let's make sand castles and snow angels all in the same day
let's change patterns and create something new
abide by new rules, let's do coffee till 5am
let's pray for each other on roof tops and paint halos on stars because we want them all to be that much brighter
let's bring back the dead with all the songs that haven't been written yet
scream at the moon with me
scream off these 10 lbs

i wanna do cartwheels on waves
... feel like these 10 lbs are gonna take me under
so i'm typing the weight right into these keys
i feel it dripping out my fingertips
still got a bit to go
but i feel it
i'm almost there
you're almost here