see you coward

he is
more part of my life than you were ever really in my life
he is
that needed hand when pop's is reaching for the ladder
he is
the only blanket that puts me to sleep
he is
watching me peripherally catching my sentences when the world becomes a blur
not because
i am an alcoholic or i snort things up my nose
just because
sometimes when
you try to carry the world, you just need someone to remind you you're enough
especially when
you've been told for so long
you will never be enough

he is
lemonade on a rainy day
he is
a perfect cuddle when color turns gray
he is
my yesterday, tomorrow and today
he is
what you might not understand
he's not your game
my game
a head trip
a power rip
he is
here
with
me

he's been
here
with
me

you can
throw us out because it might make you feel better
you can
talk shit and disgust behind me and right to my face
you can
say it is not my night
it is not my night
it is never my night
but it is
always my night
because this is
my life
and he has
been
here
with
me

so talk more
say it all
condemn what has already happened
you are
pitiful
i don't
need your opinion
i don't
need you to hold my head up
in fact i
believe i held it a little higher
while i
was walking away

same shit
different day
same story
everytime
you have to
protect your brothers, you say
he has to
leave, you say
but i will
always welcome you in these doors
look inside, there is nothing to hide here
cause everyone knew
the emperor had no clothes on
and everyone knows
you were on the frontline for the wrong side
and everyone knows
there wouldn't even be sides had you
not intiated the war
had you
not so righteously said all the saids
but please come through the doors
you so viciously cursed
just so that maybe someday
you see you coward
see you coward
then change into something new
i did
you helped me do that
and every day you
shut me out, box me in, forget, throw shit at my face i
somehow find it harder and harder to remember why i missed you so much

so awful i
feel to have put him through seven years of tears for you
when really you
had wrapped me up and chucked me into another formula
but stupid i
always knew that's what you'd do
so here we are
you dance
i dance
but only i
am not looking for you i
am looking at my partner
him