taking a stroll on water

i'm feeling the weight of change and a chapter's end
a cliffhanger for anticipated continuation
i'm feeling blank proclamations
new bathroom sinks, new apartment walls
lying under a canopy, no longer in brooklyn
looking over courtyards that remind me of brazil
i close my eyes and i'm on top of mount fuji with a prayer
in the philippines with auntie nita
have a pillow between my legs in place of him
a poster in place of her

rain falls on long beach today and i'm in it
you wanna talk life?
let's talk bills and love songs
let's talk hospital rooms and last breaths
let's talk about missing the holidays, being a bird and flying away
kissing today and never tomorrow

scratch your head harder
think on it a little longer
write about it and dream
change the answers
i think its working

i misplaced my keys
have you seen them?

i'm rubbing my cheeks with my green tea hands
letting go of 525,600 minutes while listening to a playlist called rest your head
and i plan to
rest. my. head.

stop pretending

it's you
you know it is

we write our own books
the ink is in our actions
the thoughts are between the lines
the delicates of hello
the numb tears of goodbye

hold me now pillow!
squeeze me tighter and soak these tears!

the snow melts and we walk upon water again
turley lady whispering in my ear
and i don't fucking swim
oh shit

i kissed
i touched
i hugged
i wrote
i cried
i mourned
i screamed
i helped
i stood
i smiled
i did
i came
i sang

scatter me more
punch harder
get more weapons
use another gun
put on those brass knuckles
and hit

fuck it
i'll take it

life right?
always in the line of fire
even on sunny days

creep up my leg every night
and leave sweet nothings on my chest

come to the house on christmas
like bulls in our china shop
say i love you again
out of routine
out of, that's just the right thing to say

give me some of that morphine
dream it all away
shut it all down

i'm in it and i'm looking for the key
meanwhile, i guess i'll put away these dishes
work another graveyard shift
gotta pay the bills right?
gotta walk on water

i am not a happy girl
not today
not in this moment
got this suitcase of butterflies
no place to unpack them

where are you?
i miss you
and i'm gonna keep missing you in 2006
you're in the weave of every chapter in this book
from here on out till the end
that's how it works
you. affect. me. forever.
i know
that's a long time

don't you get it already?
i'm right here
right fucking here