how old are you?

it's my wife's birthday today
there has actually been quite a few of them
all your mamas' and papas' must have been feeling that holiday cheer

i'm not naming off every birthday
you know i'm here
and it doesn't take your birthday to get to me

these markers of time are kind of awesome, right?
you have a little (or big) nothing crazy kind of night
get some presents, good food
good company, lots of attention
yes... what a wonderful day

then the realization of another year
of time passed
a lot of 'remember that time'
and 'back in the days'
man, like yesterday

from before i can remember i was old. i had four brothers respect i had to gain. always standing tall. you get tough growing up in the basco house. wasn't always easy. wasn't always no no no. but the older i get it seems the more in touch i get with that little girl in me. that little fancy one with the florescent socks and the rainbow brite doll.

i guess i always had a nack for feeling things deeply. genuinely. i've always been okay with that. others, on the other hand, grew to despise my ways. then i began to despise my ways. hated myself. had too much respect and love to piss down my own leg in front of my friends and family. no. i took care of that shit in new york. there she goes... on that plane pissing down her dreams. pissing down the pain. i soaked there for a few years. till it stank so much i couldn't take it anymore.

so i woke up from my piss and shit coma and arrived at twenty-four years of age. where did the time go? i am in my mid-twenties. ha! all of my brothers except for one is over thirty now. almost couldn't believe it. for various reasons.

maybe i'm going to say what i'm about to say because it'll just make me feel better. better about what i haven't acheived yet. better about how far i've come.

i'm every age. i'm ageless. at the beginning of this damn thing i felt old, mature, introspective, then sparks of anger and longing...

just got a text from sweet trust. he's landed. he's back home safely. now i just feel young and in love.

blessed. year round. everyday.