shoeless american

how very english of me
drinking tea and smoking american cigarettes
holding tight to my american sleep pattern

upstate new york began to scream at my memory
while on my way to birmingham from heathrow
that was yesterday
already feels like a week
today we drove about on the country side
felt a lot like northern california
hills and trees
my childhood echoing to me over fields of green
.. it’s already been a lifetime

so heavy travelling is on my eyelids
so heavy it all seems somewhere in the middle of my chest
foreign land
but so much familiar
places i’ve been before
places i may never return to
so is the curse of living
of travelling
an ability to say hello for the first time
say good bye not knowing it is the last

his parents are conservative
we sleep in separate rooms
separate beds
we seem to get on well though
it does provide a different experience however
i woke four times in the night
sort of misplaced and out of sorts
but ah, no worries
just alone in a twin bed
on an island in europe
with dial up internet
and more baked goods than my tummy cares to discuss

david and pam were the first to collect us at the airport
that was good
a good genuine hug never hurt anyone
actually makes some one feel better
like they belong
like they were wanted
they named off all 17 cats living in their house
hence why i got a case of allergies straight off
i fell asleep en route on a blanket
surely at one point used as a bed for one of the many kittens
see, i belonged to them too

meeting the parents always solidifies a relationship
felt like i had been to this junction before in my life
something awkward
like the shoe not quite fitting yet
still has to be worn in
lived in

or perhaps we should just go shoeless

... which is what we actually do
no shoes in this birmingham cottage
and the place settings are set for any given tea/ coffee time
and there is a folded napkin and proper utensil for every bit of the way

a bath tub used only for bathing
a toilet room used only for toilets
a hot water tap for the sink
and a separate cold one

and they asked if i would be willing to live in the uk in the event of marriage
and they asked with whom i lived with in ny
they asked if i preferred la oppsed to ny
despite tom’s wishes to be discreet
i opted honesty
on all questions
i answered, as i have answered all along, i prefer my family
even when they did not prefer me
but i didn’t say the latter

the uk greeted us with wind and sun
i here it’s a rarity in these parts
not quite sold on it yet
although today was calm and gray
currently the status is 1 to 1

was a bit emotional when i was leaving
i know it’s only a few weeks
but even on the brink of new experience is sadness

i read bukowski all night
he spat rawness at me that i understood
and i understood that he is not me
my soul is obligated to much more than drink
and sex
and horse races
cigars
and after hour strip clubs
one night stand motel rooms
and poking the life out of intellect
no, hank is the real thing
the real cheese
that fine bitter bite that you fear
but you eat it anyway
because you can
because it’s your life
and you can do as you please

i am velveeta
i’ve been processed and spit out and processed again
i’ve been groomed by my history
from the faces that i could never wrong
the meals that i couldn’t afford
the pillows of kindness
and all the shit that was endured
the slaps in the face
the knocks to my knees
the lack of an ear
the shit end of the stick
didn’t make me harder
didn’t make me bitter
it gave me humility
it gave me love

and this warm tea to sip
this humble life i live
these tiny words to scratch
this bit of heart to give

me birthday sunday

it would be so nice if you came. it’s my brother’s too.



myspace. com/jillandhaven :: sexy and sultry
the stomper from last week, miles, found these two at a smokey speak easy one december night back in 1933.. alright maybe not. but maybe at a place called winstons on santa monica blvd where he shares the bar with jill and now will be sharing the stage. jill on vox. haven on the geetar. miles on that racket kit.

myspace. com/thesoulution :: rock your socks off
he bought my brothers bike and wears top hats. he may look like an evil filipino firey danger man. but he’s as sweet as pie. but don’t tell him i told you that.

makeshift food goup :: just two weirdos making music an’ stuff
tom has a habit of misplacing his head at times, so oneday while at the high window he waltzed right into steve’s studio before realizing he was on the wrong floor.. and so began this makeshift food group. two non meat eating citizens making do with tofu, synths, and braggs amino acids.
[but bass and guitars this week]
myspace. com/lissiemusic :: a sweet powerhouse
touring with lenny kravitz and signing with sony bmg uk is a hard act to follow.. but lo and behold tard and lissie meet. all be okay. go listen. it’s like something i heard before. something immediately good. like a smile.




so come out with your smiles and play. NO PRESENTS. just presence.

yesterday

in a city where every one knows some one
some one more important than the person in front of them
it’s easy being a stranger to something real
something to feel






so here be me
a feeling being
and there be you
feeling so true






how does it happen
that in a city where every one knows someone
much more important than the person in front of them
that people come together
and drop all those pretenses all those clouded lenses
and talk to one another
sing to each other
spit emotion to make a heart bigger
our shoulders a little lighter
something to recognize in one another
when we dare to live beyond a margin

how does it happen
that today i want to be a better person

b/w scream

it’s funny how colors change
so quickly yes they do
the closer you get to them
so smeared goes the hue


but was it the color
or was it your eyes
that began to judge
slightly patronize
all that was
once upon a time
all that is
a love less than sublime


with great hopes
we hoped for magic to stay
the newness of touch
that smile that day
but that was that
and now, once color,
is stained black



funny
so pretty that day
to you, so fun and so fresh

funny
once special in that way
now for you, i am less

last night

was really magical.

fist off went to see django james first show at the key club.
then the poetry lounge to see these poets kill it.
then to the pig and whistle to see some crazy beat madness.
then to cafe 101 for some yummy.


anywho.
there is something absolutely charming about hopping from place to place.
and with amazing company throughout.


but it would have been cool if they were all in one spot.
including the food.

that’s what we’re aiming for.
sundays.
tard.
something out of nothing loves.

<3

i just fell in love

with the 110N.

it happened between compton and hollywood.
it was pleasantly surprisingly smooth.
of coarse some rough patches are expected around downtown.
but what relationship doesn't have it's rough patch?
those little scuffs create charatcter.

anyway.
just wanted to share my rush hour romance.

<3

ps..
got to my house and parked in a hurry [in the middle of a hectic day n'all]
but i couldn't help but notice a man in a sweat suit sucking on a pacifier. you know, like the one my lil niece ella enjoys.

can someone tell me why???!

frag ment ed

thought i'd take a moment to type something
pause in my oh so busy doing nothing day
where to begin


currently my fingertips kiss these keys
searching for meditation
solace
a clear mind
been doing yoga lately
bikram at that
been concentrating on nothing
breathing
still and strong
trying at least


remember epiphanies occurring at 3:21 am
hugging tears in the rain?
soul searching on a high school day
booty bumpin old school till dawn?
diner walk outs
premature endings
saying too much
not saying enough?

traveling somewhere far and finding yourself
not moving at all and finding .. yourself


or those so many uncounted nothing days
such a busy body
dancing around earth as if there is something important going on
changing the world in a vote
your diet
eating organic
going to yoga
playing hop scotch catch up with your friends
playing strategy chess games with your emotions
sleeping too much
drinking too much
smoking too much

yeah those days
finding yourself too


guess these tipped fingers have been silent for a minute
unfortunate
wish i had more to say than these fragmented roaming words
but that's all i have today
that's all i am