right on time

in a black car, no cigarettes
just the duet
you and me paying off yesteryears debts
trying to find a solution to the regrets


broken families we attempt to stitch
needle and thread don't seem to be a match
for the breaking of a spirit
the loss of people that can never be replaced


and some say there are no accidents
truly, i don't believe in them myself
so those days when he touched me wrong
or they didn't speak up
that night when you spit pistachios in my face
or that moment when the car flipped over
or when the morphine just wasn't enough
the instance you fell to your knees
and said goodbye to your dignity
black ice was the gateway to your destiny
one single answered prayer put in to action a lifetime of misery
another patch of hair abandons my scalp
another itchy mountain growing under my skin
yell at me again and call upon my tears
rip me another fucking asshole
just to turn around and tell me how much you love me
an empty house where there once was life
a hollow sound where once there was conversation
pretend you don't know me
pretend she never existed
does it make the wound sting numb
does it make the heart feel dumb

because i do
sometimes
sorting all this life stuff out
because as much as i stitch
needle and thread
there always seems to be another hole somewhere
a spot
a tear
an undoing of flesh
that no matter how many moving forwards i make
i always move forward to sew up what has already been ripped


there are no accidents


i can't even rhyme
i am overwhelmed
with a feeling of suffering
and simultaneously
a feeling of life


these shared stories of tragedy
in some fucked up way
refreshes my blood
to want to be better
to live for all the days she can't live for
all the days i chose not to live


all this patching up work has got me questioning
not why me
but instead
what for


trying to find a solution to the regrets
you and me paying off yesteryears debts
just the duet
in a black car, no cigarettes


nope
there are no accidents