... like everyone else

join us at the museum of tolerance.
mat 23rd.
12pm.
all ages.

a new day

overwhelmed with emotion

my cup be brimming with blessings
brimming


i often refer to myself as a visitor in people's lives
i have many a poem about it
a memory bank of all the places and faces i've hugged
and kissed
and been
and pitched a tent and stayed for awhile
many a tears shed
leaving marks on those cement corners
many a loud smiles
tatooed across this heart
many a shared cigarettes watching smoke dance from lips
while you talk life, talk love, talk death, talk bills


and once upon a time
i felt worthless
couldn't pick my chin up
couldn't look you in the eye
so ashamed
so sad
once upon a time when i was 4
then when i was 9
and 11
and 18
and 20
and just a few months ago again
and somewhere between 2009 and 2010 i decided to fall into me
and trust
that i don't have to be the visitor anymore
all those times i declined to stay
i now know why
for all this to begin
to find this home inside myself



i am humbled


i look around me and see my family
my friends



and i am humbled



my heart feels like it is going to explode
i have so much love to give
only because i've received so much love


i shall be released

stauros tv interview

right on time

in a black car, no cigarettes
just the duet
you and me paying off yesteryears debts
trying to find a solution to the regrets


broken families we attempt to stitch
needle and thread don't seem to be a match
for the breaking of a spirit
the loss of people that can never be replaced


and some say there are no accidents
truly, i don't believe in them myself
so those days when he touched me wrong
or they didn't speak up
that night when you spit pistachios in my face
or that moment when the car flipped over
or when the morphine just wasn't enough
the instance you fell to your knees
and said goodbye to your dignity
black ice was the gateway to your destiny
one single answered prayer put in to action a lifetime of misery
another patch of hair abandons my scalp
another itchy mountain growing under my skin
yell at me again and call upon my tears
rip me another fucking asshole
just to turn around and tell me how much you love me
an empty house where there once was life
a hollow sound where once there was conversation
pretend you don't know me
pretend she never existed
does it make the wound sting numb
does it make the heart feel dumb

because i do
sometimes
sorting all this life stuff out
because as much as i stitch
needle and thread
there always seems to be another hole somewhere
a spot
a tear
an undoing of flesh
that no matter how many moving forwards i make
i always move forward to sew up what has already been ripped


there are no accidents


i can't even rhyme
i am overwhelmed
with a feeling of suffering
and simultaneously
a feeling of life


these shared stories of tragedy
in some fucked up way
refreshes my blood
to want to be better
to live for all the days she can't live for
all the days i chose not to live


all this patching up work has got me questioning
not why me
but instead
what for


trying to find a solution to the regrets
you and me paying off yesteryears debts
just the duet
in a black car, no cigarettes


nope
there are no accidents

soil from his fingertips

my next boyfriend
he's gonna be a man
gonna find me in those moments of disparity
and see a light coming out of my ass anyway
he'll understand
that the heart, sometimes, it weeps
that sometimes the world gets a little too heavy for one soul to keep
my next boyfriend will write songs
trapping words in melodies
rearrange letters forcing this lung to breathe
he's gonna find some truth in this tongue and water it
create some soil from his fingertips
my next boyfriend is gonna love life
and me in it
right beside him holding up his back bone
holding up his own
my next boyfriend is gonna know a thing or two about sweet nothings
holding the door open for his lady, build upon natural blessings
my next boyfriend is gonna hold me like the night holds a shadow
the sidewalk nurtures a crack
he's gonna kiss me like the bush belongs to the vine
fitting so perfectly like my favorite cardigan
and he'll know just the right thing to say when it gets hard again
when i'm finding it oh so hard to start again
my next boyfriend will know that his smile is where it all begins
my next boyfriend is gonna be my forever days
my ain't feeling so great days
my can't go on can you remind me where my knees are days
my next boyfriend will dance
groove with me, spit talking, booty shaking, melody rocking
let me get into your pants
but not disrespectful like
in fact
exactly the opposite
i respect you so much like
more than words like
so i gotta show you with my entire body like
my next boyfriend will be a poem
i'll swim around in his denim
he'll like things like coffee, and hikes
he'll love things like sitting in a room with unfamiliar faces
he'll ponder things like, where are we from, where are we going
he'll make me laugh outrageous
my next boyfriend will be brave
wear his heart on his lips
tattoo me on his hips
he'll love food and culture
hopes and dreams
maybe even be a baller
but he won't pay much attention to things you can buy
he'll just try
to be the best person he could be
see a little light from inside
my next boyfriend will love kids
our kids
he'll innately know the difference between being a father and a dad
my next boyfriend's mouth will melt away all the noise
he will bring me home
me and him on a throne
i be his queen and he my king
my next boyfriend will know the difference between
material things versus this life's strings
he'll have already lived a life
then find me
and he and i
well we will just be
my next boyfriend will be courageous
make me cry
just by his simple beauty
his ability to stand
and feel
and not be ashamed
to change
to evolve
to be real
my next boyfriend
will be free
and through his freedom choose me

limbs

i love my family like the sun loves the blue sky
the concrete loves the shine
the way the night loves shadow
my nephew longs for tomorrows
inside of me my sister echos
my tribe beckoning me to follow
i love my family like the tree outside my window loves the earth
the ever constant reminder of one's worth
the way my brothers love each other
bound together forever
i love my family for the cloud they stand on
my father, every time i look down, my hand's they come from
my mother every time i look up
i can only hope i can fill this cup as much as she
i love my family the way the heart loves one single beat
they make my life complete
from my cousins to my niece
imbedded friends to these knees
they're like my limbs
i love my family
like melody loves hymns