western ave

had a moment last month
and then directly proceeding that moment i had another
the very next day
imagine that

had one yesterday too...
and days in between a november waltz
and december defaults

but yet i choose to write in this one
capture this night
this couch
this snuggie

to be honest
to be frank
i feel like i'm mourning
everyday
although i go about my day
filling my cup
fulfilling my word
work, play, dinner
birthdays, holidays, loud smiles
and somewhere beyond the daily regimens
the 'life goes on'
the 'stick that chin up girl'
the 'stand up taller woman'
somewhere behind swallowing my pride
that trusty spoon full of sugar
i mourn

i mourn for being an idiot for a year
rebelling against my own integrity
raging against my personal dignity
i sock myself in the face
because I KNEW BETTER

and i'm sorry
i'm so sorry

i don't want you back western ave
not like that
you and i both know
that you and i existed on western ave
where things were simple
a bus ride and a bike ride got us everywhere we wanted to go
as far as we could go
our studio apartment with the bums outside
the paper towels on the fridge
our closet vocal booth
love under canopies
our tiny existence was enough
for that time
for that period
it was all enough

i'm not sorry we broke up
i am sorry i hurt you
us
i'm sorry i didn't give us time to heal
to support each other thru the next phase in our lives

seems, although i was the royal bitch in the situation,
you got the upper hand
you were the bigger man
stupid me
what was i thinking
you got a head start on me
i was... distracted

this is no excuse

i just want you to know
that i know
i was an asshole

and all that happened over the last year
i completely deserved
that's life again, knocking on my door
mirroring me back

so that's all
for now
i really did love you
i really do
always will

don't forget love
how much we fit love
don't forget love
how much i miss love