everyday conviction

so.. yeah i know
i realize that i burned the disc
i put the songs on it
but still
it's still 60 odd tracks
and the variables of the order are endless when set on random play


i'm not gonna go through the play order with you
because.. well that's a little ridiculous and i would probably lose the point
of why i'm typing this anyway
which i might already done
shiiiiiiit


ok ok ok ok
the point
the point is i was driving home from work
just now
and my head was rambling on and on with me
partly i agreed with it and partly called bullshit on
and while this conversation goes on and on with myself
these tracks keep playing
directing me to my next thoughts
but only, i think (i may be delirous)
i was actually directing which song to play next
it was like.. the truth was in the tracks
the answers were being painted for me
only i was the original person who put them on the cd in the first place

you follow?


i'm trying to say in my 36 minute drive home i saw my life
how it is
how it was
and how i hope it to be
how i know it can be
if only
i could hold on to that belief everyday
everyday conviction
and sometimes a random playlist
can remind you and get you back
grab hold of you
tightly
and squeeze the hell out of you
and you fight the squeeze
reject the squeeze
shun it
scream BULLSHIT
almost suffocate and crash
until all you can do is embrace it
and hug back



... so for all of you
even the ones you wouldn't imagine
even if we've never met, maybe just exchanged myspace notes
maybe we've lived together
sang a song
shook a tail
shared a drink

i hugged you tonight
and i really needed that hug
and i just wanted to say
thank you