a lady's worth

this is not a poem for the masses.

just a poem for my niece.
the way she looks at me when i enter the room,
the way she wants to dress just like me.
i swear-- whenever i come over the first thing she says is:
auntie nana can i dress like you?
and then we go through her closet
and we find all the similiars
from high boots to big clips and then she says:
see, we're twins

this is not a poem for the masses.

this one's for my ma.
see i was born with one ear.
for that, i always felt left out.
see i was born the youngest after 4 boys.
for that, i was always left out.
see i was born filipino.
a culture that's most sustainable attribute, is adaptation.
often leaving me feeling kinda left out.
but for all this-- my mother-- my mother always made me feel
like i belonged.
like i was the most precious gift.
like a miracle.

this not a poem for the masses.

this one's for that one guy.
he made me feel common.

i heard once:
a woman goes to bed with a man to show him how she loves.
a man shows love to get a woman into bed.

i don't wanna give too much power to the ideologies between the male and female.
most of the time, i think its bullshit anyway.
but because they do exist.
the male.
the female.
the ego.
my mother.
my niece.
that quote.

i have decided to remove myself from that equation all together.
because if i was to be truly grateful to my mother.
if i were to really honor my niece and all her tomorrows.
then i would understand that no one can make me feel common without my permission.
and some where in my ego i thought i could be that girl--
fun, casual sex, no big deal, i can get down with the best of 'em.

it's true i can.
and i do.
and will continue to.
as i decide to stop sleeping with you.
or you. or you.

if my niece and i are truly twins.
i gotta pave the right way.
the way my mother set out for me.

this is not a poem for the masses.
just a poem about a lady learning her worth.

a mother's route

today marks my mother's 60th birthday
i am half her age

i also got news of soprano's mother's failing health
and simultaneously i've filled my day with watching over twinkle boy's son



what does it all mean?




palms up.
in moment's like these i can only turn my palms
up.

fuck obligation

real time.


feel like.
i need distance.

been so inside the grind.
the love.
the give.
the palms up.


feel like.
no poetry.


feel like.
i've neglected my boundaries.


feel like.
i've been opening my door to the wrong people.


damnit.
i hate that feeling.
when palms are covered with fists.

turned up

unclenched and turned 'em up
... and this is my life

crazy thing is, it was always here
even with my fists
pounding through these daily battles
1 2 jab- uppercut to the head
undefeated in most rounds
but just battles none the less
i came
and i conquered
these matterless battles

but they did matter
so that now i can turn to these same like-minded battles
with palms up and be the light that tells my opponents:
we ain't even opponents yo

mang... palms up is so much more powerful than fists

laundry day

not always certain why we do the things we do, the in the moment choices we make, never for certain why or how some have the ability to damage us, make our knees buckle, make a heart calloused. don't know when that sunshine might poke it's little light at us, remind us- it's all good, we're human, we were built to stand in the rain. and dance anyway. willing that damn sun to shine on us.

sometimes i wonder if i chose the people in my life or did they choose me. and how incredibly humbling it is when you see yourself in another person.

it's crazy how the sum total of our entire lives- the bruises, the drunk nights, the stages, the kids, the bills, the parents, the fights, the hugs, the endless monotony of work, the never ending excitement of new--- life. its crazy that the total amount of all them yesterdays brings us perfectly into today.

it's my first day off in awhile.
laundry day.
slowing it all down just for a sec.

thanks for dinner.

champions.

the last things in this house await my touch

ok.

i can accept that responsibility


i sit
with palms up
letting it all go

like really
letting it all go

"you don't need a man
you need a champion"


and here it is commenced
the 'evolve'



a champion


new word



new bar




my nest boyfriend
will be a champion
will be my husband
will be
a
champion






fuuuuuuuck
its the only thing that makes sense





i am.

surrounded by greatness.
the man that stands beside me.

will be no less.

a letter from the clouds

...so it's been a minute
that's what happens when life takes you under it's wing


where to begin...
i couldn't begin to describe the intricacies of magic moments between poems and dance
lost kids coming home to their dad
making something out of nothing
making something out of seemingly epic fails

singing out loud on a stage you build to provide for other voices
yet somehow finding your own

getting angry
really angry at your blood
for seeing them for who they really are
then looking again and really seeing them for who they are
your blood

or this apartment
and all the tomorrows it holds
the shift of belief
in career
in money
in possibility

really jumping off the cliff with no net
and learning, really learning in genuine surprise
how to build my wings
saying, 'fuck the net,
i'm just gonna fly'

haiku:
these wings start to grow
along my anchored shoulders
rooted at my heart


love, love, love,
me