... enter the new year

you know what the problem is
i'm not enough
loathing in self doubt
self loss
of days lived and days yet to come

you know what the problem is
i don't make enough money
i don't have enough hope
i can't make sense of it all

you know what the problem is
i'm a selfish bitch
and it takes alot of effort to be that

you know what the problem is
i hurt him real bad
and i will hurt him real bad

you know what the problem is
i have to start over every time
and every time i have to re explain myself
re justify all the fucked up choices
reassess the fucked up consequences

you know what the problem is
i'm chubby
and i don't know what the fuck talent is

you know what the problem is
i don't know how to get to that next level
i don't know how to make everything ok


you know what the problem is
i don't think the mirrors are on my side anymore
and i am losing myself

you know what the problem is
i miss you
and that night over dominoes


you know what the problem is
i am wasting my time here
and i am just waiting to die

you know what the problem is
i am inadequate and can't find a reason to wake up everyday

you know what the problem is
i don't remember who i am
but i can't forget either

you know what the problem is
i'm a shit problem solver
always was
i just bluffed pretty well

you know what the problem is
i can't be anyone else
i'm stuck in this skin, in this body, in this life

you know what the problem is
i find it hard to move on and keep going
i'm giving up a little more and more each day

you know what the problem is
i'm just not sure if there is a point to all of this

you know what the problem is
i write this self destruction faster than i can write love

you know what the problem is
i have no purpose

you can't forget when it's right in front of you

it is thanksgiving again
and i find myself looking into mirrors
through old love notes
passed affections
time spent and a life lived thus far


some words
and their damn combinations
makes the heart wrench a little bit
some of those picture shows
seem like a blink away
when in fact..
they are days of the past


i remember those toes
so very close to mine
us sharing ny air
san diego skylines
english croissants


i did want it to be forever
i really did

but forever was not on our time card
but that it happened at all right?
that it happened at all


man..
oh man
i know i'm a wierdo
and am undeserving of all the love that has and continues to flow in and out of me
but at the very least
the very tiniest
i can be grateful


bless you
bless us
bless your mother and mine
i miss you
and all those forever days
and some nights,
like this one
when we are far far far away from each other
almost like another planet away
i take out these mirrors
to give myself a squeeze
to remind me
how we held each other
that one day
so long long ago

text

you want me to write
you want me to truth
you want me tell
how i feel
how i peel
what's the deal
how i'm undone
by the way you
stand sometimes
just behind me
i can feel you breathe
you want to know about
butterflies
and texts
spitting future mid air
into the wee hours of night
swapping stories between my legs
holding your heart in my palm
moving just right
just to feel you that much more
to somehow hug your core
and hope that i'm enough
to support that back bone of yours
and all those dreams on the tip of you nose
those concepts running down your tongue
looking for a space to just be
let it be me--
but instead
what rolled off
was not me
and i am reminded
i am number three
another girl
in your world

so i'll pick up my things now
pack up these sweet nothings
wish you the best now
you can erase all these writings
you want me to truth
you want me to tell
how i feel
how i peel
what's the deal

you heal
me

on my way out

my fingertips freeze in pregnant thought
afraid of what will become of it's combination of letters
all i'm saying
is that i don't know where to start

so let's start where things usually start and end--
love

so quickly he arrives
and the other goes
with such speed we love dive
and throw our heavy blows

didn't you know that forever is over
didn't you know i would leave someday
didn't you know we were never that clever
didn't you know,
you are in me forever

what sense does it make
none i know
none i say
none i play

bat bat my eyelash
slash slash my heart
say my name
call me kris
say my name
call me kiss

cook me dinner
stamp me a sinner
it's your world
i'm just that one girl

who once had your heart
a long long time ago
a few few months ago
last night
but one day at a time
i fade
i fade
i fade


but you stay
you stay
you stay


you fucking stay
stay
stay
forever

making up words

while you're deconstructing--
making sense of disatered days
resented parents ways
doing inventory on wasted smiles
driving, driving clocking miles
ashing cigarettes out the window
digging regret out of hollow
while you play picture shows on repeat
road tripping pondering the economy
the definition of being free


go ahead..
put your foot on the gas
take that weight of
that empty frame on your shoulders
put it in your calloused thoughts
by way of another shot
more importantly
by way of your fingertips
sing your life on your lips
while you fortaliciously drive
fly
float
construct your fucking boat, man
one shitty 'i will never remember you ever' at a time




cause while you're busy deconstructing
it's the most amazing thing


you heal.

launch me right

what happened to the days of true soundtracks and road trips
paint me new
paint me new
i was hoping for something better
i would never trade in my friends for fame
i would never erase blood for
some temporary life thrill
a coincidental spill




i want you to remember

those days you wanted to be more
when your bestest mates stood beside you
those days you sucked ass and fell and never thought you'd get up
all those muddy fuck ups
that day you made your mama smile
that very first time you smiled back because
you were grateful
for everything

i want you to remember

















then come back
ready to be rocked

magic microphone

When youre weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
Im on your side. when times get rough
And friends just cant be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When youre down and out,
When youre on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
Ill take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
Im sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.



someone sing this to me.
karaoke all night long.
someone sing.