poems

they don't pay the bills.
there is no return.
no profit.


just my sanity.
and even that seems to be compromised.
but it would be even if i didn't scratch anything on paper.
push record. and let it come out.


so pressed is the upload button.
two more poems to listen to.

two more poems to just be.


i want to just be.
please.

myspace.com/shopgirlmusic

trapped

can't even take a walk in my fucking neighborhood

fuck off

done playing nice
always trying to communicate
diplomatic pathetic
walking around righteous
no more babysitters
not even for me
it's humiliating
and it hurts
if you don't believe in me just say it
make it public
because guess what
i don't believe in me either
so let's stop pretending
with the pretty la la la
and the auto tune recordings
and the bullshit stale feelings of yesterday
wasted
wasted life
wasted words
who gave a fuck really about those tears
who was there in that hospital room watching life breeathe less
who remembered what it was all about
just to forget again
i want to punch these keys hurt
make it hurt
make them cry so they can remember what they once were
once upon a time
cause once upon a time...
once upon a time there were so many shut doors
and now they're open with coonditions
always conditions
but i remember that boy
that one boy that one time
two creeps on a couch
two singers in a room
poets weeping for better tomorrows
but that was yesterday
and today it's babysitting duty
and i can't afford one anymore
can't afford to be one anymore








so fill me up with something new
some new rant
some new life
i want to excape somwwhere in a forest
let everyone go
and sleep for days
and live for days
and die
over and over again




i want iwant iwant iwant i want
to just be left alone

shit came pouring out

have seen it lately
i'm looking for my sanity
don't want to play nice nice
got a load of laundry
clean but i can't even put away
always clean
but always messy
fucking drive me up the wall with your constructive criticism
what i should be doing
what i can be doing
i can
i can
i am
i am
i'm reaching out for something to hold
it's not there
just vomit from a day old cigarette
i feel sorry for my dog
watching me whither away
fucking crap

her

myspace.com/shopgirlmusic


go listen.
wrote a little something for your ear.
for mine, too, whenever i forget.


and something for my friend.

only one way up

shut up
get up
shut up
get up


i'm screaming at myself in the mirror
and the mirror is you
fuck the poetry
fuck singing the blues


shut up
get up
shut up
get up


stop the silent default
living in that mind cult
i've had about enough of not enough
stop asking me what i want


shut up
you get up
you get the fuck up


this is no self help piece
chicken noodle soup
feel better soon on another fucking day
a p & j sandwich to make you more cozy


shut up
get up


fill your fucking cup
damn it
have the courage to fill it
feel it
and deal with it


these stupid nothings
letters jumbled
fucking had it
don't like it
stop asking me the same fucking question

price paid

you stole my angst
answered the door
let me in
said leave your longing now
sing this song with me now

but out on the doorstep lay all my words
out on the doorstep was all my world
the world made in place of you
the world created because of you

but now here i am
and it's hard to remember all the devices
it's easy to cover up all these slices
of my soul
damaged and broken
sewn together and healed
scarred and forgotten

but i guess there's no need to remember
all the bruises
all the denied knocks
unimportant details of yesteryears and days
as long as there is today
so happy and gay
yes so happy and gay

with my head low
looking for something i lost
feeling my wallet lacking doe
never knowing the the cost