still. always.

now, for you, i smile
because it was
it is
so beautiful


what else is life
but these constant whelms
of lust and love
passion and depletion
sleep all day shit
forget me not stuff
and all that
breathing, letting it out
and letting it all go
dreaming about snow
on a perfect los angeles day


getting tangled up on a sidewalk
roaring under canopies of graveyard shifts
making mixed tapes for no one
pushing repeat to feel it all again
pressing repeat like an omen for the future
tripping on lessons, sometimes drowning in blur
but everything becomes clear again
and it is
it really is
all
good


we're all just ephemeral moments wanting to be held for awhile
even when we scream 'leave me the fuck alone
this is me naked
and i ain't here to show you anything
i'm content with this sting
the silent phone ring
this mosaic of broken heart strings
all these jokes that life brings'


and this too shall pass rings
so fast
so quick
but so glad that it happened at all

i wouldn't have changed a thing
so perfect
i smile, for you, now

at least in los angeles :)
dreaming of snow

when an asshole kneels

sometimes i underestimate
actions
affect
thinking i'm just a speck
a scratch in your life
cause who am i really
just some holy night
or maybe a few of them
a cough up of life's phlegm
something thick and loud
demanding to be exposed
needing to be written in prose
an almost
just verbose
another living hoax

so i misunderstand
and you do too
getting soft these days
forgetting what goes around
comes around
so immediately most of the time
for me anyway

so step forward i will
and thankful i am
this time i'll be stronger
i'll remember
i'll know
and i truly
am
so sorry

certainly wonderful

before i go on with my life
i just wanted to say
when there is nothing left to say



see i really loved the part
lost between your collar bone and your ear lobe
and i really prayed on the thought of being in your eyes for awhile
like watching you age for a bit
watching me grow for a minute

i really can't explain life choices and responsibility i am obliged to
that i feel that i am obliged to
can't explain family
ohana
everywhere i'm from
all the people that affect me
all the people that i keeep close to me


i don't know what could have been
what i should have done
how i could have been a better person

i try to be the best
at least for me
try to honor the choices i've already made
try to serve those who show me what loyalty means everyday


i don't know man


something about running my fingertips through your unwashed hair
sneaking in a kiss at a bbq
touching you tender
touching you rough
for no reason
not apparently at least
just simply cause i adore you


... and now i am
without you
and that's okay
i know

i know


whatever
a couple of weeks
so sweet
so nice


and the chemistry is gone
i accept that
i single handedly broke that
hurt that
i know


so i'll let go now
that's it, as you say


and i'm so sorry
i wasn't enough
i didn't come through
and you, sir
are so amazing
and i, sir
am so stoked for the girl who gets to hold you awhile
who deserves you for awhile


i'm an asshole dude
i get it
i understand
but i'm just me
so far from any kind of perfect
it is all good
even in hurt
but i'll do right
i'll always do what i think is right
i'm not as careless as you think
and i don't feel much like proving to you my heart


but so


so very


close


our hearts



just for a few ephemeral moments
fucking wonderful

just praying

and so i kneel
between everything new and familiar
something of magic
guitar strings
and vocal sings
something from another island
just over the sea
never been there myself
but someday
someday
so far
coming so quickly

appraoch me closer
swim and don't drown please
stay above the mediocrity
or even below it
but get the fuck out of all the cool
for all of our sakes

sing out loud
like the snobby english
the bittersweet lovely english

cryptic horse shit

so now i see you on my tv
and i wish there was no screen
so you could really feel the spit
in your eye to smear your make up
because you haven't made up for the lie
you turned away from me so sudden
fuck off
fucked me
sucked in
blew out
fly away little lies
float me some truth
life without you is better
life fake in an electric box

you disgust me kid
want to vomit at your hair
wasted time
wasted kiss
stupid me
stupid your lines
so fake fake electric box
fake fake kiss and miss
get out you fuck
wash my hands
clear the slate
clean it up
clean it up

the mirror was fogged
dirty and all wrong

and just on the other side i found me
on the other side
sewn up and dusting you off
and embracing him
mascara dart toward him

i just miss you

... i've been very quiet lately
and i'm sorry


been living out loud with some familiar blood
and it's been nice
how like attracts like
how love begets love


i'm looking forward to today
and i can just tell already
that it's an important one


i got all these prayers between my palms
and i'm dropping them
watching them manifest
and i wanted to take you
just for a minute or two
to come watch them with me
all these little prayers
dropping
finding their way in cracks
deep
only to effortlessly grow right back up toward me
like being in the middle of smiles
a garden of them


yeah
it's nice
best garden i've ever seen


won't you come soon to visit me
please
because there you are
one of my prayers
so quiet

been so quiet lately
i'm sorry

all in a sea salt rinse

i wonder if toxants are released through tears


i've been detoxing lately
a little drink i mixed up
a little life i shook up
made some new decisions
like the decision that maybe i do deserve everything i ever wanted
i've been accepting cheese on a cheese platter
i've been eating it
and it taste damn good


went on a drive with consequence
to pick up a consequence of my past
of my present
of my future

and i'm grateful
it's good, you know
life
is
good
if you want it to be
if you really wanted to see it the way you always hoped


poof
and every once and awhile i get depleted
and scared
like i'm not doing enough
i'm trying to show up for you


but i'm detoxing
and i'm sick
and i'm hoping
to hope