heart rambles

here's the thing
i'm 3 decades young today
and i don't feel older
hell i don't feel younger

can't sort out this life thing


things i do know



i'm solid
my heart is in tact
i more than enjoy the company i keep
there's some kind of magic that surrounds me
and shit
i believe in it
and i'm blessed to be amongst it



my mind wonders
because i guess that's protocol when we reach certain ages
so vividly i remember snippets from last year... 4 years ago
16 years ago... 24 years ago
it's been a long full life yo
i can dig


but it ain't got nothin on my grandpa's before me



i hope i can live as courageously as the people who came before me
make them proud to have created me
make them proud that i exist


it's hard to believe
that we, good or bad, are the result of a yesterday's choice
we belong to those people who bred us, good or bad


i'm a lucky lady to come from the good stuff



in this moment i choose to be in unfamiliar
people who don't know me
not thoroughly
not the weight of this heart
nor the heavy this soul bears


but there's something beautiful in that lack of understanding
because it really doesn't matter



c'mon new year
bring on the best please
i've waited lifetimes
it's my tribe's turn this time
make it real
make it real
make it real
they deserve it

blessed

it's 2:08 am
i'm at grindhaus
on the phone with jetblue

this ain't poetry

just a not of where i am


listening to pandora ads in between 80's hits



and i say 'this too shall pass'
and cooly says 'this too shall grow'



at this juncture in my journey
all i can really say
is that i love
my life

very much

sea salt with pistachio truffle

...and so i check in
on track 2 he says 'i don't wanna fall in love'
'i don't wanna waste my time'

mr. two minutes more has hit his two minute limit
falling back on that one
i'm more than a way to ice cream
i am the ice cream

so last night...
i slept in the comforts of a hotel room
days are long
magic moments are epic
sharing pillows with strangers
opening my heart to new

not gonna lie, it burns a little
the sleepless nights
the endless sun
the roaring moon
the missing my eyelashes have for my cheeks
the longing my hand has for company

but i suppose there's a means to all this madness
fitting in glimpses of companionship in this living the dream stuff
guess i gotta trust the sweetness of this ice cream
and know that some day i won't have to share it with convenience
but maybe someone who really chooses to share it with me
and i choose to share it with them

but for now...
pillows with strangers will do
who knows, maybe someday he won't be a stranger ever again
even forever has to start somewhere