Who do i think i am
What was i thinking
What kind of person
What kind of heartless lemming
Brings a child into this world
Was it not enough
That history wrote over our story
with a privileged white hand
Was it not enough
The day the towers fell
Was it not enough
Our voices being silenced
By way of fear,
By way of bullet,
By way of thrusting by a dumpster,
By way of consumer distractions,
By way of being born different.
Did i not see the red flags
When reality tv stars became presidential candidates
When sex tapes became the currency for fame
Our farms were replaced by processed food
When it became more convenient for us to waste
Than to give
Did i not see the red flags
When they were trying to sell us an abundance problem
‘A lack of’ problem
‘There’s just not enough’ problem
When the problem all along was
distribution
Did i not see the red flags
When it became more profitable for them to keep us sick
Then it was to actually cure us
More profitable to give us pills to sedate us
Then providing the tools to heal us
When it’s easier to attain a gun
Than a driver’s license
Did i not see the red flags
As cruelty swept humankind with genocide and slavery.
Did i not see the red flags
When we enslaved ourselves by the computers in our hands.
Who do i think i am
Bringing children into this pitiful hate-filled power-hungry narcissistic greedy world.
I wonder if we had the chance to do it all over again
Start over from the first atom
If civilization would be different
Like what if the filipinos had the dominant voice
Would it be different?
Would they show more compassion, more dignity
You know, heal the world with karaoke songs,
feed the people with rice dried on the side of the road
Adobo grown in their own backyard
Lumpia hand made
...We’d probably still find a way to fuck it up
Is that human nature though?
Are we just a series of bad decisions?
A victim to our trauma?
A result of everything that sets us apart?
Ran by the injustices of just existing?
I hope not.
I delivered two little humans into this life.
What kind of mother would put her children in harm’s way?
They say becoming a parent is one of the most selfless things you can do.
I think it might be one of the most selfish.
They didn’t ask to be here.
And yet i am asking them to inherit the burden of this troubled world.
I am asking them to take the baton.
I am asking them to rise toward the glare.
Asking them to carry the flame,
Be the light,
Bear the torch that was given to me.
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